Smokie-Readie Place

Samuel Pepys woz born ere

*I spotted the blue plaque on my way to the Smokie-Readie Place. Clicky, are you listening to me…?*

*Oh cheers! I’ll catch you later, then… YOU BIG FISH!! …/rude gesture*

I have a smokie-readie place. It is called Salisbury Square and it sits just off of Fleet Street, where I travel to a couple of times a week for my work outside of the… LoL…

Today I discovered that Samuel Pepys, celebrated diarist, was born en route between office and square. There’s construction work going on there at present… *Shit, I hope I remember how to do this or I’ll have to wait until Clicky returns*

Sit Down Smoking Place

*Yay! Who needs you, Clicky! /satisfied smirk…*

… so I stopped in the street to smoke a cigarette in my lunch break. That’s when I noticed the sign and remembered once reading an interesting factoid about the Great Plague

June 7th 1665

… it being the hottest day that ever I felt in my life, and it is confessed so by all other people the hottest they ever knew in England in the beginning of June – we to the New Exchange and there drunk whey; with much entreaty, getting it for our money, and would not be entreated to let us have one glasse more. ….
This day, much against my Will, I did in Drury-lane see two or three houses marked with a red cross upon the doors, and “Lord have mercy upon us” writ there – which was a sad sight to me, being the first of that kind that to my remembrance I ever saw. It put me into an ill conception of myself and my smell, so that I was forced to buy some roll tobacco to smell to and chaw – which took away the apprehension. [Houses infected by the Plague had to have a red cross one foot high marked on their door and were shut up – often with the victims inside. Tobacco was highly prized for its medicinal value, especially against the Plague. It is said that at Eton one boy was flogged for being discovered not smoking.]

I crossed the road and took it’s likeness on my phone. I was wondering if Sammy Pepe would be a shit hot blogger today when I noticed another blue plaque… */concentration tongue poke…*

First Sunday Times woz edited ere

… from whence I had come, to the birthplace of The Sunday Times.

The 20th of October 1822 AD

Not a picture in sight of course, just five columns of densely spaced type, the headline typeface barely larger than the text. And above it all the proud banner reading The Sunday Times. The first ever edition of The Sunday Times came out on October 20 1822.
With Europe’s great powers meeting in Verona to resolve the great matters of the day – The Spanish Question; the Italian Question; the Turkish Question – as the continent recovered its balance post-Napoleon, it was a good time to launch a newspaper. Except that in reality this was not so much a launch as a re-branding. Its predecessor The New Observer had hit the streets in February the previous year, the title a deliberate ploy to confuse and attract readers of the long established Observer ; briefly re-named The Independent Observer, it finally settled on The Sunday Times. It had no link with The Times , but as with the original title it sought to cash in on the renown of its rival.
The owner and leading light of The Sunday Times was Daniel Whittle Harvey, a radical if not rabidly so MP who used his paper as a soapbox for his views and policies – something that of course could never happen today. The inaugural editorial of October 20 1822 evoked nostalgia for a time: “When the press was free and honest,” a nostalgia some of us feel at times today. Harvey, MP for Colchester and later forSouthwark in fact spent a brief spell in prison for his newspaper having libelled the King, George IV, such was his personal quest for the truth. Poacher turned gamekeeper later in his career, when he became the first Commissioner of the City of London Police in 1839.

Ho Ho! The Sunday Times would definitely have started online today.

And what about Smokie-Readie Place, Salisbury Square? It has a big obelisk in the middle, dedicated to former Lord Mayor of London, Robert Waithman.

Waithman always tried to strive for reform without becoming too radical, which resulted in an unfortunate middle position, where the Whigs thought he was too radical and the Radicals considered him too much of a Whig. And his background led to accusations of trying to use politics for his personal gain which he vehemently denied. His concern was the fairer distribution of power and wealth between the classes.(4)While some may claim he was just an upstart shopkeeper, he, although not always successful, did much to reform the political landscape in favour of the ordinary man in the street.

I had stopped at Smokie-Readie place on the way into work, for a cigarette and to capture the likeness on the boss…

Shield of Arms on Boss

…and used the big ashtray provided, but I didn’t sit down…

Smokie Readie Sleepy Place

someone else needed the bench more than me.

*Oh you’re back are you? Don’t give me that cuteness; I’m not going through it all again, just for you. You’ll have to do what everybody else does, Clicky, and read it for yourself …/rude tongue poke*

“There’s a moose loose about your hoose?”

*What’s that you’ve got there, Click?*

Diary amended

*I wrote that to Hugo last year. Actually it was ‘Queen of the Field Mice‘, Clicky, the role that I played…*

Hugo posts Pluto Deep Dreaming

*Click, the conversations we’re having on Merovee at the moment about the media and the State of the Whirled are quite… liberating…*

*Deep dreaming and deep thought, my friend… Hey Clicky, mice! …/slaps forehead*

Mice are merely the protrusion into our dimension of hyper-intelligent pan-dimensional beings who, unbeknownst to the human race, are the most intelligent species on the planet Earth. They spent a lot of their time in laboratories running complex experiments on humans. They paid Magrathea for the planet and will now collaborate to create a new one due to the interruption of Vogons,

At the outset, they were so fed up with the constant bickering about the meaning of life which used to interrupt their favorite game, Brockian Ultra Cricket, that they decided to sit down and solve their problems once and for all.

They were the creators of Deep Thought, a stupendous super computer the size of a small city, to tell them the Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything. When seven and a half million years later it was realized they didn’t know the question to the answer they’d been given, a second computer, of such infinite and subtle complexity that life itself would form part of its operational matrix, was created to work out the Ultimate Question. That computer was known as theEarth.

Some notable mice in the series are Frankie and Benjy

*Excellent! Clicky the dolphin mouse… I must go tell Hugo, perhaps it will give him some forty-two’d… /titters*

*Oh pooh to you! You’re just jealous somebody came up with that pun before you. Look, Dumey may pop over later. If I’m still out…*

*Oh my, you found a dolphin mouse, how sweet. Yes, show it to Dumey, it’ll very likely bring him out in hives… Don’t wait up!*

Banana* and Bull**… Oh Bugger, not a Drunken Shambles?!

*It’s 1834h Clicky, two quick shots in. How many will it take..? Not too many I hope, don’t want to make a complete fool of myself… /rolls eyes*…

OMG Hugo is back! This is huge. I hadn’t fully realised how much I missed him until I saw him standing there

The Unexpected Return of Hugo

Hugo introduced me to Marshall McLuhan…

*50 Years, Clicky! That 2027, he reckoned we’d discover the real effect in 12 years time. I hope I live that long, that would make me 70…*

To cut an infinite long story short, listen to this. Just turn off the rest of the world and spend a measly 42 mins of your finite life and go ‘old school’. Just listen

*1935h One shot and one rollie later… Tell me Clicky, do you have porpoise in your life? …/snigger*

*Very droll… Here’s comes the bugger; I’ve lost my train of thought. Let’s start another…*

Be back in a click. Have a song…

If you really must know…

Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting…

… and dancing 😉

The first three episodes of Star Wars, as recommended by Library Assistant Kit Bisto. He’s taken to drawing on his arm; he calls it his ‘Tatooine’.

Tatooine

*I know, Clicky, funny, artistic and practical… a tattoo that’s easy to wash off for a new design the next day…*

*I don’t know about you Clicky, but that’s a much more plausable reason for Anakin embracing the Dark Side… it was his hormones!*

Three major motion pictures crammed into a hour. Time left for a Song…

Let’s Play …

Let's Play

I had just finished watching a fascinating (and gripping) battle between 40 BARRS and C-ASH in QOTR, when Kit Bisto sauntered into the Library. “Guess who I am.”

I eyed him carefully; he eyed me back through ragged slits for eyes. My young assistant is fond of dressing up and playing the “Who am I?” game. This time he was wearing my Russian hat, a gift from a trip abroad and the cut off leg from some trackie bottoms.  “I don’t know, some sort of Russian terrorist?”.

“No. Do you want a clue?” He picked up my packet of cigarettes, another gift from abroad.

£3.78

“Some sort of dictator?” He pointed to what I think was his nose, I was getting warmer. He turned the packet round and ran his finger along the brand name.

Gift from Abroad

*Clicky, Did you know, there were 20 cigarettes in that pack, compared to just 18 in a pack bought in the UK?*

“Sterling?”. It took me a couple of seconds to catch on…

*Aww Clicky… chosen for our friend Joe Public? He does like our posts…*

Kitten cocked his finger and thumb into a makeshift gun and took aim. “Boom!”. He flourished a pack of cards, apparently well hidden up his sleeve. “Want to play Blackjack?”.

I really should know better by now than to play games with boy that will not be beat

*Thanks for the song, Clicky, there was quite a bit of ‘hit me’… /rolls eyes*

Fun and Games

 

colourscope

*Lovely colourful gif, Click …*

“It’s Fathers Day. Why am I doing all the heavy lifting?” Thoughtful Man harrumphed as he dropped the heavy box on the floor.

“Hmm…?” I was trying to take a picture of Assistant Loopy’s latest addition to the Library walls and so, let’s be honest about it, not giving him my full attention.

It's a sign

“No lie-in. No breakfast in bed…”, he looked at me coolly. “No present and no card”.

I moved closer to rub his shoulders. “You said Fathers Day is a made up day by card manufacturers to make money.” I found a knot and dug in. “In fact ‘fake card days’ is one of your favourite moans”.

“It is”. He groaned under the pressure of my needling knuckles.

“Well, the boys and I took your message to heart and decided to ignore it. Fathers Day, that is. What’s in the box?”. I kissed the back of his neck and peered over his shoulder. “That looks like your old video games”.

He reached in and pulled out a handful of plastic cases. “‘Final Fantasy‘. I love those games”.

“I know you do.” Now it was my turn to groan. Unlike Thoughtful Man, I kept it inside. “We’ve still got the console, why don’t you play one later?”.

“I think I will”. He delved deeper into the box.

“Good. I have plenty to be getting on with.” I moved away, “Breakfast?”.

“Hmm?”

“Happy Fathers Day, sweetie. Have a Song”.

Sterling Silver Lining’s Playbook …

Sterling Front (1)

*I know, Clicky, that’s a huge sign… /lights up …*

This, Dear Reader, is a story of LoL Assistant Kit Bisto

*I know, five fingers… /drags… who’d have funk it …*

…And the deal he and I struck one day in the kitchen. I’ve mentioned the story before

Roobee Selfie at Frank Davis gaff

…but two things happened yesterday. First I read a news story about a mother and teenage son ‘contract‘…

Chase,

You may see Pitch Perfect 2 under these conditions: By Wednesday you will deliver to me a two-page essay which will be your response to the movie. Your response will answer the following questions:

1. What is this movie’s message about sex?

2. What is this movie’s message about women’s bodies? (In particular about being overweight? Are any of these messages sexist?)

3. Is there any racism in this movie? What scenes?

4. Are there any messages in this movie about love, friendships, or careers that are positive?

5. Would you recommend this movie to your sisters? Why or why not?

So, you can see this movie- but only as a critic, not as a blind consumer. You in?

Love, Mama

*Five questions and 8 questions marks, does seem a tad demanding but, Clicky, don’t judge; the woman knows her son. Plus he’s a teenager … Kit Kat was just a kitten in primary school at the time of our deal …*

The Setting

A kitchen in a terraced house, somewhere in Essex.

Mum, a woman in her early 40s, is standing at the sink, washing up up dishes and staring out of a window at the garden beyond. Kit, a boy of 7 or 8 dressed in school uniform, enters the kitchen and kicks at a cupboard door.

Kit       Arghhhh!

Mum   Kitten! What’s wrong?

Kit       (dramatic sigh) I hate smoking!

Mum dries her hands on a tea-towel and turns to Kit. She reaches over, gently pulls him to her and strokes his hair.

Mum   But you don’t smoke, Kit. You’re not old enough.

Kit       Smoking kills.

Mum   Did you learn that in school today?

Kit       Assembly

Mum    Are you worried because mummy smokes?

Kit       (nods) I wish it would go away…

Mum    Kit. I choose to smoke because I like it. (pulls away to look at his face) Besides, I’ve read a lot about smoking and I don’t believe it kills.

Kit        But, school said…

Mum     Kitty. School has to teach you that. I’m sure your teachers haven’t looked into it as much as I have.  Some people that really don’t like smoking got the government to tell your school to tell you smoking kills. They wish it could go away, too. (rubs chin) It’s like those people that don’t like video games…

Kit         Video games?

Mum      Yes. Some people would like to see video games banned because they might turn you into a bad person who hurts or kills people.  If they banned video games I would have to stop you playing…

Kit           What?!

Mum       Honestly Kit, I’ve looked into video games as well as smoking. I don’t think you’ll turn into a bad person because I let you play them. You’re not a bad person are you?

Kit           No.

Mum       No, of course you’re not. Look, I’ll tell you what (pauses) Let’s make a deal… I won’t let them bully me about your playing video games and you don’t let them bully you about my smoking. Deal?

Kit            Okay, deal.

*Oh, the second thing that happened yesterday … Ha ha, um … Kit handed me some ‘Sterlings’ …*

Sterling Back*… in fact he insisted on staying and watching the second one with me …*

*…/holds sides… Honestly, Clicky, I’ve still got a stitch from last night’s laughing … Fuck it. I’m gonna click it again. I swear that boy is a genius sometimes … Go on, give our readers a song …*

“Will someone please tell me what happened to Harley?”

*Clicky, are you feeling sensitive? Why don’t I just tell them to hit on your images to be transported to somewhere else?*

*Alright! Sheesh …*

This is a post about synchronicity …

… not all of synchronicity, of course, I’d be here all bloody day and night. No, this is a sync concerning this very post, which I was formulating yesterday evening, and with a comment smoking blogger Frank Davis made today, which ended up as his post’s title: “Will someone please tell me what happened to Harley?”.

First up, Christopher Lee died on 7th June but I only read about it yesterday:

When many film fans remember Christopher Lee, his role as evil white wizard Saruman in The Lord of the Rings will be one of the first to spring to mind. But while that performance was brilliant, the ingenious way Lee bagged it is even more awesome.

The British actor, who died aged 93 on 7 June, was such a mammoth Tolkien fan that he re-read the fantasy books every year without fail.

When he once met the author in a pub (yes, in real life, he’s the only cast member to have done so), he had a total starstruck meltdown and could barely speak, despite being a horror movie legend for the likes of Dracula already.

In a pub, eh? He mightn’t have met Tolkien in a pub these days …

 

*That’s right, Clicky, a smoker … ‘exiled to the outside’ …*

This post was … is about a letter hanging in my Library …

IMG_0161

For the life of me I cannot remember what fault I found in Josh Kirby’s front cover illustration of a Harley …

… I can’t even drive a car and am certainly not mechanically minded …

*squint …*

… but I remember writing my letter as soon as I’d finished reading ‘Soul Music’ and peppering it lots of …

“Hat. Hat. Hat.” made me laugh so hard, I had to let the author know. I really wasn’t expecting to get a reply …

*Clicky, we’ve had this conversation before about life before the internet … then, books were ‘books’ not ‘boks ‘ …*

Of course, Christopher Lee voiced Death in the TV adaptation of that Discworld story.

*No Clicky, Ian Richardson voiced Death in ‘The Hogfather’ … I’m talking about ‘Soul Music’ … Oh doo keep up …*

Harley Quinn is a character from Batman, of course …

*/puts finger in ear* … STOP PRESS! Harley is OK … I repeat, another smoker is not dead yet …*

“Feeling good for the most part just sore as hell all over and tired. You gotta figure I went almost a month with no sleep and it took til my 4th day home before the pain from my sternum and ribs quelled down enuf to finally sleep. Of course I was off all that damned morphine that made me a literal madman in the hospital for 4-5 days I was swinging and hitting everyone.”

I think that calls for a Song …

*Good choice, Clicky… /taps feet … I’m so glad to hear Harls is feeling better. I should go over there and say hello. Coming?*

Ay, there’s the rub …

I say, I say, I say … my dog’s got no nose …

loopy and poopy lift off

*Oh Clicky-Doo that’s wonderful … photography is not my forte …*

*******

“I suppose you can always jazz it up.” Thoughtful Man handed the camera back to me, perfectly timed to his zooming squint. “What’s the connection between the two?”

“Whitehouse…” My eyes signaled which way I would turn my head before I did. Left in this instance.

“That’s extremely tenuous and nobody will understand the connection, except me”.  Laser squint dissolved into rapid blinking. “One. Newman and Baddiel were only half of the ‘Mary Whitehouse Experience‘.” He shook his head. “And number two. We only met Paul Whitehouse at Roy’s play.”

It’s true. At half time in the bar Roy, Thoughtful Man’s best friend from school, and basis of one of the play’s two main characters, introduced us to the great man. We said “Hi”.

“You were too shy to even talk to him, for goodness sake!”

*Marc Warren, Clicky? Oh he was very shy when I told how brilliant he was at playing Thoughtful Man …*

“Hello. Seriously, are you not listening to me?” He was wearing his ‘You’re not listening to me’ expression.

“Of course I was listening.” I thought fast. “You said, ‘You can connect anything to anything else if you look hard enough. It’s just coincidence. Everybody has them’.” I turned the camera back and took his photo *Click*.

The squint was back. “Lucky guess”.

“Of course. I’m the luckiest woman in the world. I married you.” Unfortunately the deadpan delivery only served intensified the squint.

“True.” He rubbed his chin. “But you do spend far too much time on the internet.” Again true

Maslow updated

“I’ll be as flexible as I can with your synchronicity malarky but I’ll be glad when your holiday is over and you get back to real work.” His face was set …

*I said ‘set’, Clicky.*

Gently, he took the camera back, laid it on the table and took my hand. “Why are you spending all day chatting to great unwashed, listening to rubbish and chasing old laughs?” He looked at me thoughtfully. “I’m on holiday, too. We could connect”.

*Not fair and not true, Clicky… /rolls eyes… So jealous…*