Missive From ‘Merica: Rawr! What Is It Good For?

😀 Underdog Anthology 8 is now out and available to buy, Dear Reader…

…And if you ‘click’ on FREE PREVIEW, just above, you’ll be able to read my story, ‘BOGOF’ for free…

*Indeed the deal is pretty fuckin’ sweet, my lovely dolphin shaped assistant… /lights up…*

*Oh and Leggy posted one of his entries for free reading, Clicky… /drags… Excellent. That’s the sort of story you can’t stop thinking about. It does actually explain everything…*

*Aww, thanks, Clicky…/pats snout… When I chose ‘Tyger Tyger’ to mutilate for the Afterword, I had no idea what ‘orses were running in the today’s National… /streams smoke…*

…And now, Dear Reader, here is a missive from Cade. His stories in UA8 are particularly awesome reads…

Enjoy! ❤

*******

Heilig Glockenspiels Fledermauskumpel!!!

Deutschland is contemplating rearming themselves!!!

WITH NUKES!!!

^New nuclear weapons in Europe – The return of the Cold War? | DW Documentary^

Lemme know when your tits stop jiggling from the shock of that revelation, and we can then discuss the matter in a serious manner.

Deutschland is contemplating rearming themselves!!! WITH NUKES!!!

See what I did there?

I like the way you move baby.

rawr

But seriously, it seems the shoe is on the other foot. Has The USA already forgotten what lost the USSR the “Cold War” in the first place? Not that I personally think The Cold War ever ended, but it was said that we bankrupted them. Is us spending fucktons on weapons a smart thing to do? If The US and Europe has to endure another Cold War, it’s our own fucking fault. But can we endure another one? Is the US and a lot of the NATO nations prepared to lose this next Cold War? Are you ready to lead another Cold War? Are your citizens ready to fight another Cold War?

You reap what you sow?
^Exceptional Engineering – Harvesting Giants^

I’m not trying to stir your shit up. Seriously, for realz, I’m not. Just wondering what it is that we’d be fighting about. Before it was Democracy (Capitalism) vs. Communism (Socialism). But what is it now? Russia has an axe or two to grind. One, being beaten, and two being snubbed after being beaten. What do we in the West have? On what grounds do we stand? The fact that Russia may have an axe to grind? I would imagine they’d only be interested if we put them in that position.

 Digress

Lots of nations kinda lucked-out with WWII in that they were able to acquire all kinds of territories during the course of the war. But currently, we have no war. None where any real lands can be acquired in such a way that you can plant your flag, claim it as your own, and your citizens and/or allies will nod in agreement. So with that in mind, where in the fuck is this land that countries are wanting to make a grab for? Where could they be?

^The new battle for North Pole supremacy – VPRO documentary^

Yes…those are some extremely long documentaries. Yes, I am an unemployed loser who has nothing better to do than to sit around all day becoming educated and informed on things. No, I am not an authority on anything. I guess that makes me an authority on nothing. Heh…heh…heh. Wait, did I lose you there?

Q1: Without a nothing, how can a something be defined?

A1: ???

Q2: What is this razor that shaves this line from a nothing into a something?

A2: ¿¿¿

We in our Age tend to rely on the presence of certain things in order to determine was is/is not. The big one is certification(s) via established bodies.

Degrees

From Associate Degrees to Black Belts, we like to use particular foundries to temper the knowing from the non-knowing…the learned from the unlearned…the known from the unknown. Some kind of something to reflect a prowess or a deficiency in a certain area. The standard logic is that knowledge gives you smarts, and experience gives you wisdom. But what if one were to spend their life trying to avoid knowledge? And I’m talking about a person who has the ability to absorb and understand knowledge, but for whatever reason, they personally feel a need to stay away from it.

Lemme guess…a loser. A slacker. A chickenshit. A waste of space. Void. Ichabod.

^MC 900 Ft Jesus – Talking To The Spirits^

I realize that I prolly sound like Darth Vader above.

“If only you knew the power of the dark side.” – Darth Vader

Cept in my case, I seem to be espousing the power of dumb. Which I guess is also dark since everyone seems to equate knowledge with light for some odd reason. Welp, think of it like this, we in our time are hung up on causality and causal effects. We really don’t seem to give a flying fuck about what happened, and spend on our time on why a something happened. The key is, the time and timing. After. We care after. Why “before” has different motivators prior to than after. Chance. We’re willing to take chances. Play the odds. Hedge our bets via someone else’s game(s). Hide truth and truths, then roll the dice.

Me? I wanna know what’s going on in that dark.

^The Prodigy – Voodoo People (Eskimo Remix) (HQ)^

From the time I was quite young, it was drilled into me “to know God’s plan for me.” Problem is, that practical applications of this approach never seemed to work real well. The better I did, the worse off I seemed to be. I’d get to the top, only to find that this was not good enough.

WTF? 

I’m exactly where you said I should be, and yet this is not good enough? My reward is scowls and contempt?

Wait...one...fucking...second here

What if, “God’s Plan” for me personally, was for me to be “a little bit dirty, and a little bit clean”? I suck at being bad, and I suck at being good. What if I’m supposed to be good at being indifferent? I mean, to be completely honest, if “God” has a plan for me, doesn’t that mean that “Satan” or “Lucifer” or who the fuck ever has a plan for me too? I’m sick of walking the edge on these two fuckers’ sides. I’m sick of always being in peril no matter which side I choose.

I know…I’ll put a foot on each side, and see how that goes. Maybe I’ll better understand both of these dipshits, and that’ll help me better understand my own dipshitty self. That may make zero sense to you who are reading this, but it makes perfect sense to me.

But enough about me
^Todd Terje – Inspector Norse Best Live Version^

Space and spaces of all kinds is where war is headed. We gotta figure out how to do it here if we are going to figure out how to do it there. At ground level, above ground level, underground, under water, under water underground, macrowar, microwar, you name it…the current void and voids is where it will be. Gonna be smooth as fuck, and I personally cannot wait.

^DEMOU – Like Velvet^
!!! HAPPZY FRIZDAY FUCKERZ !!! 

Wrote that shit yesterday, and what was the very first fucking thing to appear in front of my fat fucking face on this fine Friday?

Paul Craig Roberts: Where Is The World Headed?

Some freaky female from a far afield felt the need to tweet that out, and it hit my eyeballs as soon as I opened Twitter this morning.

Coincidence?

“The fulminations and threats from Washington against Russia brought forth new Russian weapon systems for which the US has no match or defense, weapons that demote the US to a second-rate military power.”

What is this “fear of second”? Oh wait, we’re talking about war here.

Second = loser

But that’s not really what interests me. “The Russians” were ahead of The US in just about every way back during The Cold War, so as best I can tell at this point, is that this is prolly more about a race to Mars than it is about shooting wars. But there is The North Pole to consider. And of course Antarctica. Which speaking of, when I opened YouTube to start listening to music? Guess what was waiting for me there.

^What Buzz Saw In Antartica Frightened Him So Bad That He Tweeted These Words…^

What…Buzz…saw.

rofl

Buzzsaw. That’s funny. Not as funny as Ali G calling Buzz Aldrin “Buzz Lightyear” to his face, but funny.

Digress

Um, I admit that I’ve pondered Buzz Aldrin’s comments about “evil” for some time now. Seeing something you do not understand is likely going to immediately cause one to qualify it as “evil”. Especially if you are seeing some things that I’m assuming that he saw.

EX: If you are looking at a flower with the naked eye, and you suddenly start seeing the genetic makeup of that same flower from the beginning of time to the end of time, you are likely going to be confused as fuck as to what you are seeing. And I’m talking about every genetic mutation/variation that took place from the beginning of time, that led up to the creation of this particular flower, and every genetic mutation/variation that will take place from now until the end of time.

So yeah, you see the entirety of eternity through the window of this one flower, and you see it in a very short period of time. Like running a movie backwards and forwards at the same time, on fast forward both ways, and you see the entirety in the span of a few seconds.

Now, if you have some context, some of what you see may make sense. Like say, you’ve seen this particular movie before, you may be able to pick out some things that make sense, but overall, it’s a fucking mess. But what if you’ve never seen this movie before? Yeah, it’s likely that none of it will make sense. Especially if this is not an experiment that you personally have setup.

It’s something that…just happens…while you are looking at a flower. Or maybe looking at some something in Antarctica. Or looking for some something in Antarctica.

^Nine Inch Nails – Down In It lyrics^

I know…you prolly think it impossible for someone to see anything like what I just described. Even tho I just described it, and I personally see it, you still think it impossible.

Q: Are you possible?

A: ?¿?

I’mpossible too.

^Republica – Ready to Go (Official Video)^

If there is a God, you really think this fat-headed fuck wants to throw people into some place of eternal suffering forever? I mean yeah, they prolly wanna throw me into some place of eternal suffering for calling them a fat-headed fuck, but I’m talking about your average person. Just wondering, if God is wanting to damn them, why in the fuck are you trying to save them? More than that, why aren’t they trying to save themselves? Are you prepared for “the tough questions”? Or you just gonna shrug them off. What about the tough answers. You ready for those? Yeah, I dunno either.

I guess we'll see
^empirion – The Dark Inside me^

Maybe your own warlike state and warlike inclinations are what keeps you from this enlightenment you seek?

/me shrugs
^The Prodigy – Funky Shit (Live At Red Square, Moscow – Russia 1997)^

Does this list piss you off? Not complete enough? Too subjective? Too many omissions? Includes shit you don’t agree with? Wanna fight about it?

^Evolution of Electronic Music – 1955 to 2017 (V2)^

cYacFa

^The Avalanches – ‘Frontier Psychiatrist’^

*******

*No idea what you mean… /stubs butt… Could you fetch a Song to finish with, Clicky…*

Until next time, Dear Reader… Have a Song 😀

*Hmm… Underdog Anthologies are the perfect loo reads, Clicky…*

 

Trans-Genie Dreamy

The wait is near over, Dear Reader, and I’m not talking about Brexit…

UA8

*/lights up… Hey! That’s not the cover, Clicky… /drags… Leggy’s still working on that…*

*/smokes…*

… With the window for submissions closing fast, Underdog Anthology 8 has so far attracted 10 authors with 18 short stories and 11 poems, not including my mutilated offering in the Afterword

*So far on the Dead Poets Page, I’ve managed to… /counts on fingers… stitch up Shakespeare, ravage Routhier, lacerate Lazarus, willingly torture Wells & Tormé, wanker Wheatley, pillage Poe and obliterate Oliphant… /flicks ASH… About time I butchered Blake don’t ya fink, Clicky… /smokes contentedly…*

So, Dear Reader, with a hat-tip to Dr Seuss – never mess with Seuss – the LoL is pleased to present my perverse verse for Underdog Anthology 8 from Leg Iron Books. Of course it’s about Brexit…

crouching tiger hidden dragon 1

The Creeps (that stole Brexit Brexit)

by Roo B. Doo

 

Brexit Brexit, MPs blight,

In the politics of Fright;

What immoral Hansard lie,

Could frame their shameful skimitry?

 

What the distant Creeps despise,

Disbelieving of their lies?

In Labour town & Tory shire,

People chose Leave as their desire?

 

And what bluster, for their part,

In twisting syntax off the chart?

And so the Creeps began to cheat,

Safe in smugness, if not in seat.

 

“What the horror? Why the pain?”

“The People didn’t know thy brain!”

“What the oldies failed to grasp,

It’s not long ’til their final gasp!”

 

When the Creeps threw down their sneers,

Made amendments, with loud jeers,

Did they smile their work to see?

Do they know they’ll have to flee?

 

Brexit Brexit, MPs blight,

In the politics of Fright;

What immoral Hansard lie,

Could frame their shameful skimitry?

crouching tiger hidden dragon 2

*/stubs butt… Those fuckers are gonna rue the day, Clicky…*

Until next time, Dear Reader… Have a Song…

Missive From ‘Merica: Split Peace Oops (Part 1)

It’s been an very busy week or so, Dear Reader. Apart from requisite time spent in the Tower, I’ve been writing and editing short stories for ‘Underdog Anthology 8 – Transgenre Dreams’…

bogof

*/lights up… My story is two love stories… /drags… For the price of one… /stream smoke… Of course I called it ‘BOGOF’, Clicky…*

… And Cade sent through a missive, which I have been very remiss in not posting. So, here’s the first part. I’ve decided to split it…

Enjoy! ❤

*******

mellowweirdaustralianshelduck-size_restricted

Ya gotta look and play the part.

Doesn't matter what the intent is/intentions are... 

Ya gotta look and play the part.

Can you spot the difference between an authentic designer item and... 

a knockoff/counterfeit?

The Real Deal. The Genuine Article. The Real McCoy

False Etymology

Can't be havin' us no false metamologies in the age of meta.

Just acquire the requisite uniform and…

Bob's your UNCLE, Fanny's your AUNT, and you're in like FLYNN. 

Or in like Flint, depending on which “false etymology” you choose to chase/adopt.

The meaning and origin of the expression: In like Flynn

How do you know who to believe when a discrepancy is discovered and/or a dispute arises? Your first instinct will likely be to look for some authentic looking uniform/clothing, insignia, credentials, etc.

Different people sometimes carry different things in order to identify themselves…say for example,  polycarbonate riot shield and a baton.

Others may show “they mean business” by comporting themselves in other ways.

You just gotta stay on top of the game in order to stay in it. Me? I’m not very hep or hip or whatever. I had no idea his name was Keith Flint. The only member of The Prodigy who’s name I knew, was Leeroy, and as far as I know, he’s been out of the Prodigy for some time.

/me shrugs
^The Prodigy – Take Me To The Hospital (Official Video)^

tenor-1

I can only imagine what a nightmare that crap above was to format.

(sorry Roob)

Oh btw, if you’re looking for the “master tapes”…

they’re in the library…

with Colonel Mustard.

Something about a key,

but I have no idea what any of that means.

Sounds like some kind of argument to validate authenticity.
^Poison (Remastered)^

*******

*/smokes…*

Shh! Words To A Void

*/flicks lighter…*

*/lights up…*

*/drags…*

*/streams smoke…*

*/coughs…*

*/spits…*

*/smokes…*

*/taps ash…*

*/stubs butt…*

 

Brexit Shambles

*/flicks lighter … Hey Clicky… /lights up… Actually there were 2 dead mouses in the trap this morning… /drags… To go with the dead one and the live one caught in the trap yesterday… /streams smoke…*

*Yeah, poor sod. Fancy being trapped all night with the corpse of your mate… /puffs… I let him out into the garden…*

*Sew, Brexit? What in the snafu was that all about this week, Clicky?*

*’This is sovereignty itself on the chopping block’ …/flicks ash… Blimey, Click, strong words… /final drag… Butt what did Jackboots have to say for ‘erself?*

*An’ wot about the eww? …/stubs butt… wot did they say?*

*Yikes! Butt wot we meant to doo ab out it, Clicky?*

*Suppose sew… /lights up…*

Spied ‘Er!

Dear Reader, if you’ve been following my ramblings here at the LoL, you’ll know I’ve been investigating the ‘Fallen Goddess’ scenario, and more specifically the Gnostic Aeon Sophia’s Correction narrative espoused by John Lamb Lash…

*/lights up… ‘Kyle’ means ‘narrows’, Clicky… /drags… I did knot gno that… /fills lungs with smoke… or that it’s a city in Texas… /streams smoke…*

… Witch is why the new female incarnation of Doctor Who is so fascinating to me, despite the show’s makers’ obvious predilection for shoehorning married lesbians into every story line…

*Her? …./flicks ash… Ugh! Hideous! Gno wonder the Yanks elected a complete Tool…*

… But I watched last weekend’s episode with some trepidation, Dear Reader, because… Well, my name is RooB and I am a Recovering Arachnophobe…

*Thanks, Clicky… /drags… but that’s really not necess-…*

*-ary… /blooms smoke… Ooh that’s what I doo when I get home from work…*

… I remote viewed Sunday’s spider episode on Monday with Cade, and discussed it later with – who else? – Legs…

Leggy and Roob discuss Doctor Who Spider Episode 1Leggy and Roob discuss Doctor Who Spider Episode 2Leggy and Roob discuss Doctor Who Spider Episode 3Leggy and Roob discuss Doctor Who Spider Episode 4Leggy and Roob discuss Doctor Who Spider Episode 5

*/drags… That’s an interesting point he makes about Frankie’s phone, Clicky… /blows smoke rings… It contained all the dirt on what the Trump surrogate wanted hidden…*

Frankie Phone Talk

*Whereas the Trump surrogate’s phone…*

Trump surrogate Phone.gif

*…Was left lying next to the sync…*

Trump Surrogate Phone 2.gif

*… And got covered IN dirt…*

 

Trump Surrogate Phone 6

*Good fing… /final drag… I don’t know any Frankies, Clicky… /winks… Or Kevins… /breathes out smoke…*

Suffocating Baddies

*The Remnants from ‘The Ghost Monument’? …/stubs butt… Now you come to mention it, Clicky, they are a bit Archon-like in appearance…*

As for all the Political Correctness paving the show, Dear Reader, I can’t help but feel that the makers of ‘Doctor Who’ haven’t quite grasped where their liberalness with good intentions might possible lead…

Have a Song 😉

 

 

 

 

Story Time: A Goohuul

If you found our first Halloween offering quite tricky, Dear Reader, this next story is something of a treat. It’s by my good friend, Cade the Okie Devil from Text US, and appears in ‘Underdog Anthology VI: The Gallows Stone’…

pumpkin treat

*Faught you’d perk up for that, Clicky… /flicks ash…*

Dear Reader… Enjoy! ❤

*******

A Goohuul

by Cade F.O.N Apollyon

Yarnip County Texas is likely the strangest county in the entire state. It appears on no maps. It does not appear on nor in any registry. There is no county-seat, as there are no towns. It has no courthouses. No sheriff. No police departments. No fire departments. No hospitals nor clinics. In fact, except for the ice-skating rink in the southeast corner of the county that sometimes doubles as a roller-rink, Yarnip County Texas has no real infrastructure to speak of at all. There are plenty of roads that lead to and through Yarnip County, but not a single crossroads in it’s length and breadth. There is only one permanent resident, and yet, at certain times of the year…Yarnip County Texas has the largest population in the entire Universe.

I know, I know…you are thinking that I’m telling some tall-tale in order to spin some investment opportunity or encourage tourism. But if you take a minute to actually ponder the merits of your own skepticism, why would I even need to encourage tourism to a location that is already, at times, the most populous place in the entire Universe? Yes, I am the guy that actually lives there. But I’ve already got so much money I could never spend it, and I’ve also got so many trinkets and gifts from visitors, that were I to sell them all, I’d pretty much have all the money on the entire planet. Plus, I don’t sell any of the gifts that are given me, nor do I sell any of the trinkets that I find. And believe you me, with all the traffic we get here, there is plenty of stuff left behind.

So you are likely wondering if I am a junk collector who is trying to sell off his collection. No. I’m the owner/operator of an ice-skating rink that sometimes doubles as a roller-rink. Junk collecting is more of a hobby that doubles as my attempt at being a responsible citizen due to the amount of flotsam and jetsam that this county accumulates during the course of the year.

Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. If someone passes through on a weekend trip, and accidentally leaves their Blarrchuck Moopeen Grinder, or a pair of Mastelline Vipps? They are going to come looking for it/them. I once found the entire Senate Building for The Realm of Cipotci, but I wasn’t aware of it at the time. I took it home, put it on my dresser, and even contemplated cutting a hole in the top to use as a change bank, although I never did. Good thing that I didn’t, because the Ipo of Cipotsi herself came looking for the building, and it turns out that the entire Senate was actually still inside the building and in-session. Just a misunderstanding that quasi-cascaded into a comedy of errors because of some chance encounters. The Ipo was very gracious though in the end, and she’s now aware of both me and the fact that I lurk and roam these parts with mostly the best of intentions. That said, the particulars about how the Senate Building from The Realm of Cipotsi wound up in Yarnip County Texas is a story for another time.

You’ve likely guessed by now that I am the founder of Yarnip County Texas. Well, technically, you’d be wrong. I only gave it the name. Yarnip County Texas is actually as old as The Universe itself, and I’m just a newcomer that just so happened to be paying attention at just the wrong time, in exactly the wrong place. But those unfortunate events inspired me to eventually give my home a name, Yarnip County. I even gave it a slogan; “Always Passin’ Thru!” But I’m not really here to talk about that, nor even about myself, as much as I am to talk about one particular event that happened about ten years ago. It’s something that is on my mind daily, and I try diligently to neither suppress nor recall that and those events. For the most part, I just sorta try and let the memories be what they are, and go on about my life as best I can.

She introduced herself as Abbey Attrix. I was pretty sure from the start that this was not her “real” name, but it didn’t really matter to me one way or the other. She told me that she had some friends that were meeting her here in a few hours, and wanted to know if she could rent the rink and skate alone until they arrived. I asked her for how long, she glanced at what I assumed was her watch, and told me that she could pay me $50 and would also let me have her watch if I would let her have the rink for two hours. She held up her arm, and around her wrist was one of the most unusual watches I’d ever seen. It had only one hand, a minute hand, and two digital readouts; one for the hours, and one for the seconds. It had a deep red face that seemed to be surrounded by some kind of internal light source that was a combination of blue and red that cycled somehow…it appeared very expensive.

Let me state that it’s not unusual to have individuals show up alone and want to rent the rink for themselves, nor do I personally think that it’s particularly strange when someone wants to rent the rink alone. Afterall, I built the rink for myself so that I could be alone and skate alone, so it’s really no surprise to me that others also seek solitude on the ice. However, when I looked into her face and into her eyes, I perceived there was a distance between us that I could never plumb. I could make all of the observations and conjectures that I wanted, but time itself seemed to be slipping away before me, and I could tell by her occasional glances out toward the rink that she just wanted to get onto the ice. She’d been running from something, but that running was about to cease.

I told her that she could keep her watch, and that $40 would do for two hours as I had nothing scheduled and was unlikely to have any chance renters pop in other than herself. She agreed, retrieved two twenty dollar bills from her bag which she then handed to me, and I asked her what size skate she wore. She told me her size, I went and retrieved a pair of ice skates in her size, returned and gave them to her, then I retreated to the DJ booth to put on some music. By the time I had arrived at the DJ booth, she had already put on her skates and was headed for the ice. I grabbed the microphone and asked her if she had any preferences, but she just smiled and shook her head no, leaving the musical selections up to me. Her hair was very short, and until she smiled at me, I hadn’t noticed just how beautiful she was. I’m a professional afterall; I’m here to operate an ice-skating rink, not pick up chicks.

Abbey had already began to skate a bit, and I could already tell that she knew how to skate as I pressed play on the CD player…

“The whispers, in the moment…of lovers sleeping tight…”

No sooner had Celine Dion finished breathing the first line of The Power Of Love, that I looked out to the ice, and saw Abbey slide to a ice crystal spraying stop, put her hands on her hips and look down her nose at me in mock-contempt as she smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back and laugh a little as she stood there, smiling and tapping the toe of her ice skate the way a mother might. I immediately hit the stop button on the CD player, glanced up and noticed that she was still tapping her foot as I rummaged quickly through the CD’s to find a different song. I admit that I noticed that the Jennifer Rush version of this same song was handy, and I contemplated putting it in the CD player as an attempt at being funny, but this was Abbey’s time. She paid for it, so I decided to hit her with a musical blindside instead, put in a new CD, and pressed play.

“As loud as hell, a ringing bell

Behind my smile, it shakes my teeth

And all the while, as vampires feed

I bleed

I bleed

I bleed

Abbey had started skating again, and I could see her doing the “head-bob” in an approving manner before Black Francis and Kim Deal of The Pixies even began to sing. And that’s how our relationship went on that cold and lonely October evening. Two hours of back and forth without a word between us. She’d slouch her shoulders while rolling her head back in disgust if I played something she didn’t like, and she’d smile, bob her head, and keep skating if I played something that she did. I must admit that I was quite surprised at the varieties of music that she did and didn’t like, and a few times she even gave me a look of surprise that an old fart like myself would know that the song I was playing even existed.

“I’m bigger than that.

Can you tango, can you mango,

mix n mangle, can you flow?

Let me angle more my kangol,

Are you single, can you go?

I’m bigger than that.

Format B’s remix of Skeleton Key by Pleasurecraft & Green Velvet boomed on the speakers as Abbey continued to zoom around the rink while grinning a smile that couldn’t be purchased for any amount of money, and I’d been enjoying the time so much myself that I simply hadn’t noticed that we had already run about fifteen minutes over time…but that’s when the power to the rink went out.

I immediately reached for the small flashlight next to the DJ mixer, and yelled to Abbey to stay where she was until I could get some light, but the flashlight didn’t work. I found this extremely odd since I knew for a fact that the batteries had been changed only recently. The music had been so loud for so long, that I simply had not noticed that the wind had picked up as the sun had gone down. But as my hearing slowly returned, it became quickly attuned to the fact that the wind was indeed blowing quite viciously outside, and assumed that the wind was likely the cause for the power outage.

Probably less than a minute had transpired when my eyes adjusted enough to notice that the watch Abbey had tried to barter with was still glowing around her wrist, and as I looked around and surveyed the rest of the rink, I noticed that this was the only source of light in the rink. None of the emergency exit signs were working, which was odd considering that they were battery powered in a power outage, but even more strange was the fact that not even the luminous paint on the walls was glowing. If ever a person who loved Halloween wanted to be somewhere extra-spooky on Halloween night, Yarnip County Texas was suddenly the place to be.

I recall trying to keep my cool since I was the owner/operator of this place, and ultimately responsible for the safety and well being of my one and only paying patron, and luckily Abbey had worked her way over to the DJ booth by the time that I started getting a shade rattled. Without saying a word, she took the watch off of her wrist and laid it on the table next to me since it appeared that she had also noticed that her watch was the only source of light in the entire place. From the cycling purple-ish glow of the red and blue lights in the watch, I could barely make out the outline of her face and noticed that she was smiling. A large closed-mouth grin that made her eyes sparkle somewhat, but there was what seemed to be a hint of sadness in her eyes. To tell the truth, I don’t know if it was sadness or joy or what it was that I saw in there. After a moment of looking at each other, and just prior to me realizing that my gawping was about to become uncomfortable, she said “My friends are here.”

That’s when all hell broke loose.

The entire building and everything in it moved as if it had just had the ground removed beneath it, and I felt that sudden quasi-sickening feeling in my stomach as if someone or something that was only previously holding me up had suddenly dropped me or given way. I knew it wasn’t just and only me, as the entire building shook as it came crashing down shortly after starting to fall. Judging by the way that my knees buckled, it felt as though the entirety of the building had just dropped about one foot, and it’s unlikely that there was a single object in the entire building that didn’t make some kind of noise. My immediate concern was for Abbey who was standing on the ice in skates in front of the DJ booth. But as metal and glass found their new equilibrium amid much clanging, shattering and crashing, I noticed that I could no longer see her face and assumed that she had fallen in the chaos.

The glow of the watch provided me with my only bearings, and I quickly grabbed it and held it out over the ice from the DJ booth’s lofty position…no Abbey. My heart, weakened in its pulse somewhat from the fear, pounded a first ‘BOOM!’ of approval as my being shifted from the fear of cower to the cape of crusader. I knew it was foolhardy, but I sprang over the counter of the DJ booth onto the ice of the rink without hesitation, and luckily my somewhat aged ankles held as my feet found their footing on the ice of the rink. The soles of my shoes had hardly touched the ice when the power came back on, and it scared the living shit out of me. Deamau5 immediately began blaring on the sound system since I had just put a new song on prior to the power going out, and I quickly looked around and surveyed everywhere, but Abbey was nowhere to be seen. I yelled her name as loud as I could…no response. I reached up and around to hit stop on the CD player, but the song kept playing. In frustration, I reached for the volume sliders, but when I moved them down, no change. I admit that a flush of rage came over me as I looked around at the damage of the place, and contemplated ripping the power cables out of the wall for the whole fucking mess, but then something grabbed me…

“Feeling the past moving in

Letting a new day begin

Hold to the time that you know

You don’t have to move on to let go

Add to the memory you keep

Remember when you fall asleep

Hold to the love that you know

You don’t have to give up to let go

Remember turning on the night

And moving through the morning light

Remember how it was with you

Remember how you pulled me through

I remember

I remember

I remember

I remember

I remember

I remember

I remember

I remember

I noticed that I was still holding the watch, and still standing in the same place that I had landed on the ice, looking around in disbelief listening to a song by deadmau5 & Kaskade blaring on the PA, when it occurred to me that I was a complete moron for jumping onto the ice because I could have landed on top of Abbey had she fallen.

The ice. The ice is unbroken. I looked at my feet in disbelief, then looked around the ice itself…no fractures, no bulges, no shards…no lines? Impossible. I was wearing my Converse All-Stars, but wandered shakily out further onto the ice anyway, and as I surveyed the ice itself there was not a single line to be found. The song suddenly ended and I instinctively looked back towards the DJ booth, and on the railing to the left of the DJ booth hung a pair of ice skates with the laces tied together, and they were swaying ever so slightly as if someone had only just hung them there. I watched them for a moment to be sure that my eyes were not playing tricks on me, and sure enough, they stopped swaying after a moment. I kept watching them for a while longer just to see if they started moving again. The wind was blowing furiously outside afterall, and this building was already drafty even before some Titan decided to throw it off a cliff a few moments ago. The skates didn’t move.

I kept feeling as though I should be scared, but I never really recall being afraid after the lights came back on. I’m not sure exactly what I felt at this point. My entire life has been filled with weird and strange experiences, but I am neither witch nor wizard, alchemist nor mage. If I had to qualify my feelings at that point, it was simply “keep going”…don’t stop. And so, that’s exactly what I did. I had to know. Still clutching the watch, I proceeded off the ice, and straight to the breaker box for the power. When I got there, and without hesitation, I pulled the main breaker lever, and the entire rink was suddenly aglow via the artwork within the rink that had been painted in phosphorescent paint. I flipped the main breaker back on, the lights came back on, and headed out the front door into the parking lot.

Nothing. No cars except my own. Just prior to turning around and going back into the building, I noticed that the front-end of the car was sitting at an odd angle. I walked a little closer and craned my neck to look around the car, and sure enough, the left-front tire was flat. To be honest, it didn’t even phase me because I was already home and had luckily already stocked up on beer and food for the evening as I was planning to grill a steak out in the cold after the sun went down.

It’s likely that at this point, you have many questions. You’ve identified holes, you’ve thought about what you would have done or would have done differently, and maybe even what I should have done. You aren’t wrong in doing so, and I can assure you that I’ve questioned myself relentlessly since then. But I can only tell the story as it happened. I cannot go back and make everything right, nor can I write some instruction manual so that I’ll be better prepared next time this happens. A woman calling herself Abbey Attrix wandered in to my skating rink in Yarnip County Texas on October 31st of 2008, some pretty weird shit happened over the course of about one minute, she vanished from my rink and my life completely, I’ve no idea what happened to her, nor have I seen her since. The last thing that she said to me was “my friends are here”, but I never saw anyone other than her, and I could only just barely see her when she said that. No one has ever appeared looking for her, she has never returned, and I still have her wristwatch.

“Well I live with snakes and lizards

And other things that go bump in the night

‘Cause to me everyday is Halloween

I have given up hiding and started to fight

I have started to fight.

Well any time, any place, anywhere that I go

All the people seem to stop and stare

They say “why are you dressed like it’s Halloween?

You look so absurd, you look so obscene”

Oh, why can’t I live a life for me?

Why should I take the abuse that’s served?

Why can’t they see they’re just like me

It’s the same, it’s the same in the whole wide world.”

– Ministry, Every Day Is Halloween

So if you again are thinking that I’m telling some fantastic tale in order to drum up interest in Yarnip County Texas and/or my skating rink? Well, you are free to think what you want. Just know that my skating rink is only closed one day out of the year…Halloween. Oh, and good luck finding Yarnip County Texas or my rink the other 364/365 days of the year.

😉

*******

p king x mass

*Yeah! I love his ‘Christmas Ever’ tale …/final drag… I ‘ope he’s written some some stories in the next Anthology, Clicky… /stubs butt…*

😀 Happy Halloween, Dear Reader, and… Have a Song ❤