— Goat lord (@deadmau5) May 20, 2020
I started a new job yesterday, Dear Reader. I’m now working on the 13th and top floor of ‘The Tower’ and the views are great!
And ‘The Beast from the East’ is paying the UK a visit, sew… SNOW! I thought I’d take some photos to show The Okie Devil in Text US…
… Speaking of whom, Cade has sent through a lovely missive. Enjoy!
LET’S TALK NUMB DERPS!!!
Q: What percentage of the ingredients listed above, needs to be unavailable, in order to make the entirety of the finished product itself also unavailable?
A: 1 - 1 = 0
So, we can assume, that if 100% of one ingredient is unavailable to the manufacturer for a certain product, 100% of the other ingredients will be unavailable to you by default since the entire product will be unavailable. Just thinking here about “NEW COKE” that was introduced back in the 1980’s, and how the entirety of the food market is now based on?
Why in the hell would a blended oil need fragrance?
I mean, when we humans swap fluids, there’s nothing that gets all stinky or anything. I wonder what is going on with oil(s) when they get freaky and start mingling?
That also gets me to thinking about the nature of bonds. Especially those bonds that we humans like to ignore, because they are just too damn inconvenient to think about. Those ones that are not cost effective, non-timely, too vague… negligible. Such as…
Q: I wonder what oil’s relationship is to oil(s)?
A: Yeah...those oils.
Any chance that Petroleum has some sort of bond with say…Canola or Olive Oil? What about…Chicken Fat? Spooky Action At A Distance.
(not a far enough distance if you ask me 😉 )
What if a certain oil requires another type of oil or others types of oils, in order to retain it’s own matrix. Like, in order to stay what it is, it needs some local contrast to maintain it’s own integrity. What if the oil(s) it uses to do this, is suddenly…gone? Are we talking mutation? Because as far as I know, it takes many and much to make a certain kind of oil.
/me shrugs therefore I am sure I've no clue
^DIGITALISM — HOLOGRAMS (OFFICIAL VIDEO)^
I’m betting that this is for the manufacturer more than the consumer. Or at least, as much for them as for us. If you can’t get the shit out of the bottle/can, no one is going to buy it.
Pro-Tip 01: For baking, I personally dump a bead of Olive Oil onto the baking pan, then spread it with a paper towel. You can also let gravity do the work by lifting the pan and letting it roll around.
Pro-Tip 02: Cold Oil – Hot Pan. Hot Oil – Cold Pan. You can stick your pan into the preheated oven and let it warm a bit, then put some oil on it and it will spread easier with less waste.
I mean, we’re likely talking about baking pizza-rolls or some other pre-cooked something…right? We’re just heating it up. We aren’t really cooking anything. Just don’t want our prefabricated frozen egg rolls sticking to the pan. Shit takes time, and you’ve no time. Maybe you should skip it altogether.
Water? ... Alcohol?
Water is bad and getting worse…and alcohol was/already is bad. So, what in the FUCK is it doing in my “Extra Virgin Olive Oil”?!?!? Without even having to reference gender, one could say that this product sounds kinda…
Only 53% Olive Oil? Wait…I’m just a dummy grabbing random “shocking” images from Google Image search. Am I being honest here? LET’S LOOK!!!
Looks like that shit is sold in France, and that’s where lot’s of the world’s skanky and polluted fish is supposedly sold. Maybe someone is fighting skank with skank?
Let's digress back to water.
If the entirety of the world’s water is “polluted” how much control does that give government(s) over water? I would say “how much more control” does that give, but I’m trying to be optimistic here.
Hmmmm… I wonder if water “navigates” our being? That might be a good angle for you “Orwellian” types to ponder. Or“well”ian…
A “well” sounds like a deep subject. Surely The US Constitution couldn’t be used as a model for controlling people in more and more abstract ways…
And even if it’s not used in The USA by US citizens, that’s no guarantee that others won’t use The Constitution as a model for stuff elsewhere. Don’t blame them tho. I mean…that’s what we Americans want/wanted … right? We want everyone else to be just like us Americans.
^Digitalism – Wolves^
Yeah…I’m thinking that aggregate and negligible is pretty important. Coal, is important to industry. Tin is important to industry. Rubber is important to industry. OH!!! And speaking of industry…
Q: Ever get the feeling that this “CO2 Emissions” bullshit is nothing more than a smokescreen?
Yeah…a distraction. You can make electric cars until Christ comes back, but they still have, and create, all the same problems and/or completely new ones + similar ones. “Our” problem, is waste and wastes. Much of the model and/or modeling that is used today is based on speed(s) and demands that were created during the wartime production needs of WWI and WWII.
Q: Why did we not slow back down?
A: A new paradigm?
Money? And just how much there could be?
‘Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea.’
‘The twelve gates were twelve pearls: each individual gate was of one pearl. And the street of the city was pure gold, like transparent glass.’
No mention of Platinum streets, but I think that Gold and Platinum are closely related. Here’s a link to the entire chapter if you don’t like me paraphrasing.
But yeah…something about streets of gold. If you want symbolism and metaphors and other vagaries to argue over, methinks there are some there if you compare it with the vid below.
^Mining Platinum From the Road Part One^
It’s already Wednesday. That means, that a certain someone I kinda know is on day two of a new job.
There’s also been other…news. I tried to start writing about this on my own blog on Monday, but even tho I didn’t know these people really, it was kindof a gutshot to me.
Should news like this have an effect on me? Should it not? Why are you telling me how I should or should not feel? We’ve no time for grief. We’ve no time for anything. Which makes me wonder, what do we have time for? Lemme know if you find out…k? Schedule an appointment, and we can talk about it until I lose interest.
^King Tuff – Psycho Star [OFFICIAL VIDEO]^
Let’s get back to bonds and bonding of the layered variety/varieties. Could oil really be a model for other oils? We’ve got our schematics and templates and plans and blueprints and standards and schedules and day planners and shit like that…so…why wouldn’t Nature have similar?
I mean sure, Nature, is going to be a little more fluidic and flowy in her creations and creating, but isn’t this the very rabbit that we are chasing? What happens when we finally catch this cagey and evasive little bastard, and the motherfucker has fangs powered by nuclear radiation?
Lolz...like...Godzilla, cept less stomping and more biting.
I digresslessishness. Sure Science has this kind of modeling, but Science does it in the lab or some other clean/sterile environment.
(that ought to be a bumper sticker and/or t-shirt if it's not already)
Erm…yeah…clean. Clean this, clean that. But I got a question…
Q: If labs are so goddamn clean, what’s with all the cleaning?
I don’t envy those that work in labs. They’re nasty places to work, and I’m not sure which is worse…the gross nasty shit they bring in to evaluate, or the gross nasty shit they use to combat the gross nasty shit they are tinkering with.
But that makes me wonder…is it the contrast(s) and contrasting that makes one thing look better or worse than the other? Bleach may result in some level of “clean”, but bleach itself is one of the nastiest substances on Earth/Terra.
^Superorganism – Everybody Wants To Be Famous (Official Video)^
I was just thinking about black holes again last night, but I was thinking more along the lines of what is required to create a certain state within a certain element. Not only that, but the steps and processes that it takes to create and maintain the state of a certain element. I will quote my source, which is available by giving the video below a viddy.
^making nitrogen ice with vacuum chamber, that is -210 degrees celsius^
So we’ve liquid Nitrogen, we put it in a vacuum/vacuum chamber, and eventually our liquid Nitrogen becomes a solid. That get’s me back to “phasing” and states, which gets me back to aggregate radiation(s). Then again, I tend to think of almost everything as either a fluid and/or fluidic irrespective of a certain something’s solidity. Anyway, I’m thinking that maybe we don’t understand “radiation” as well as we think we do? Heat is too prevalent, and sound is mysteriously absent.
Something else is missing, and I think I know what that missing something is…
^Young Fathers – In My View (Official Video)^
!!!!!!!RANDOM WIKIPEDIA ATTACK!!!!!!!
From today’s featured article…
Flight Unlimited III – a 1999 flight simulator video game developed by Looking Glass Studios and published by Electronic Arts. It allows players to pilot simulations of real-world commercial and civilian aircraft in and around Seattle, Washington.
Music Analysis (journal) – a peer-reviewed academic journal specializing in music theory and analysis. It is based in England and published its first issue in 1982. Although the journal “is not produced on behalf of a society, it is closely associated with the Society for Music Analysis.
Leanne Crichton – a Scottish international footballer who plays as a midfielder for Glasgow City and the Scotland national team. She previously played for Notts County in the FA WSL as well as Hibernian, Celtic, and Whitehill Welfare/Edinburgh Ladies.
Ellen R. Sandor – an American new media artist. She is also founder of the Chicago-based (art)n, a collective of artists, scientists, mathematicians, and computer experts.
Ballasalla – a village in the parish of Malew in the south-east of the Isle of Man, close to the airport and the town of Castletown. The village was built mostly from the ruins of the nearby Rushen Abbey, a Cistercian abbey founded in the 12th century and dissolved in the 16th century.
Momo and the Time Thieves – a Danish-language opera in two acts by Svitlana Azarova. The libretto, based on the children’s book Momo by Michael Ende, was written by Anna Bro (da; de).
Júlio César (footballer, born January 1983) – a Brazilian footballer, who plays for Ravan Baku.
Londonderry by-election, 1929 – The Londonderry by-election of 1929 was held on 29 January 1929. The by-election was held due to the appointment as high court judge of the incumbent UUP MP, Malcolm Macnaghten. It was won by the UUP candidate Ronald Deane Ross.
Battle of Palikao – was fought at the bridge of Palikao by Anglo-French forces against the Qing Empire during the Second Opium War on the morning of 21 September 1860. It allowed Western forces to take the capital Beijing and eventually defeat the Qing Empire.
City Council – A city council, town council, town board, or board of aldermen is the legislative body that governs a city, town, municipality, or local government area.
CitySurf Globe – a family of Geography 2.0 Geographical Information System software, developed by PiriReis Bilişim Teknolojileri, known as a new model in mapping servers and interaction with the end user.
Richard Friend – is Cavendish Professor of Physics at the University of Cambridge and Tan Chin Tuan Centennial Professor at the National University of Singapore. Friend’s research concerns the physics and engineering of carbon-based semiconductors.
Clive Nattress – an English former footballer who made 340 appearances in the Football League playing as a defender for Darlington and Halifax Town in the 1970s and 1980s.
Dahomeyan presidential election, July 1968 – A referendum on Émile Derlin Zinsou’s candidacy for president was held in Dahomey on 28 July 1968. The results of the May 1968 presidential election had been annulled due to low voter turnout. The military government appointed Zinsou to the position, but he accepted only on the condition that a referendum regarding his appointment be held. His candidacy was supported by 76.4% of voters, with a 72.6% turnout.
Léon Hennique – a French naturalistic novelist and playwright.
All People’s Party (Namibia) – a political party in Namibia.
We’ve got “non-society based” peer reviewed journals that have close affiliations but no direct ties, time thieves, opium war(s), a few political groups and potential members, “vote or else” types of goings on, arcane French writers, lots of technology, some more of that “new media” crap…whatever in the fuck that is, and in general, plenty of sport all around.
Good stuff! 🙂
^Digitalism – Gonna Be Good^
Wanna know what got me to rambling this morning? Or at least, what actually set me to writing?
Headline + First Paragraph = set me to typing.
Yep, that’s all I read. I don’t care what else is there. Not now anyway. Why drink the ocean, when a sip will do me just fine? I read the first paragraph, and all I could think about was going to grocery stores when I was a kid. Glass bottles EVERYfuckingWHERE!!!
You had produce, meat(s), and everything else was either in cans or glass or cardboard or paper. Then got to thinking about change and changes over the years…adaptation. I wonder how adaptation differs from mutation? I see the potential for some ripping there. And if there is a potential for ripping, are we focused on the potential, or the actual ripping part(s)?
Truth be told, we appear to have all of the same dynamics and mechanics of wartime, save for the recycling portions. We seem to be completely fine with disposable/disposability. Likely why we tend to think of ourselves as being nuts. We like to make ourselves indispensable, which I guess makes everything else disposable.
Or am I being cynical?
^James Blake – If The Car Beside You Moves Ahead (Official video)^
I’m feeling a shade better today. Been feeling like complete shit all week.
How are you?
That flu I tangled with for over a month really kicked my ass, and I never really even got that sick. Not many of the more traditional symptoms anyway. But it sure did a number on my chest. Not to mention all of the crazy weather we’ve been having.
70°F/21°C one afternoon...28°F/-2°C the next.
That shit gets old. ESPECIALLY when it’s warm at night, and then, the day gets colder as the day progresses. I thought shit was supposed to warm up as the sun creeps across the sky?
^CHVRCHES – Get Out^
Found a really wicked vid that shows some…erm…atmospheric anomalies if you care to check it out.
Great photography too.
^planes clouds and vortices^
We can’t understand everything…until and unless we can. But who gets to make that decision?
^Alaska Airlines Great American Eclipse flight #9671^
Do you need someone to hold your hand while you are out saving the world?
Brush your hair for you?
Rub your feet and/or back?
Tell stupid jokes in an attempt to make you smile?
We can lay down some trail-dust, and sprinkle it with some stardust.
Have camera on my phone, will travel 😛
^Boeing 737 – from a weather balloon^
If everything comes from somewhere, where did nowhere come from?
There's a bend there.
^Amazing A380, B787, B777 Appear out of nowhere at Schiphol Airport^
Is it possible that we’ve become so reliant on vernacular and it’s reusability, all while becoming so dependent on standards and commerce/capitalism, that we’ve gotten linguistically lazy? If kids are really graduating from school while simultaneously being labeled as illiterate, is that indicative of someone fighting a multi-front war of some kind? I thought that school was there for the people, not vice-versa. Lot’s of tiptoeing here. What am I talking about?
Delhi/Population - 18.98 million - 2012 (source Google)
University of Delhi/Total enrollment – 132,435 – 2015 (source Google)
I was watching a documentary the other day that said officials actually have no clue how many people reside in Delhi, and that the population could be as high as 35 million at times. Lots of immigrants and immigration. Loads of people come in from the sticks for medical treatment.
That said, it takes money to make money, and you can’t spend your money on making money if you are giving your money away to unproductive sectors of the economy…right?
Q: What’s productive about being stingy?
GIMMIE FAT MONIES!!!
^Lusine – Just A Cloud^
I dunno what you think about. Not unless you tell me anyway. And if what you tell me has been washed and cleaned and cycled and recycled all into some something else that is not what you were originally thinking about? Yeah…confusion. Not that anyone would do that or anything.
But seriously, how much suffering can “John and/or Jane Public” endure before that suffering starts to trickle? Can ‘the captains of industry” really stand on the backs of others and persevere? Granted there is a shift to technology, but the singular nature of this thinking is itself teetering on collapse.
Maybe it’s a safety thing. If you and your SJW groups don’t stop breaking windows, I’m gonna fire all the mechanics that work for Coca Cola. And if there are no mechanics working at Coca Cola to keep the machines running, there will be no Coca Cola, nor Sprite, nor Coke Zero, nor anything else.
^Digitalism – Shangri La^
Maybe the time of “The Union” has returned. Unions are all but dead, not to mention that divorce rates are said to be skyrocketing.
I’ve thought a lot about Unions. Prolly because I belonged to a couple: IAM/AW and Teamsters. But back when I was in a Union, they didn’t make any sense. Not much sense. I’ve got two people telling me what to do instead of one, and they both want my money.
Would it be possible to have technical unions? I know that laws here in The US are weaved so that it’s gonna be tough for computer programmers to start a labor union. Not to mention that once you get around Federal Law, you’ve got loads of State Law(s) you are going to have to tangle with, followed by loads of local law(s). I don’t think foreign countries have such problems.
^Hercules & Love Affair – My Curse And Cure (Official Video)^
I’m sorry you filthy Limeys have gotten blanketed in snow…I really am. It breaks my motherfucking hot and beating Okie heart…it really does.
It’s raining and warm here. I found a drown snake in one of the puddles out back. My guess is, that there is likely a correlation with precipitation amount(s) and hibernating wildlife. Not to mention shit like encroachment and bug spray(s)/pest control, available food sources, available clean water, and shit like that.
Q1: What effect does that one snake’s death have on the entirety of existence?
Q2: What if it was the last one?
Methinks, that every one, is the last one.
Do you ever think about where a grass snake is able to get a clean drink of water? What about a dirty drink of water? Water is water…right? Snakes are gross anyway…fuck em’.
^Muse – Thought Contagion [Official Music Video]^
Been thinking a load about intersecting gravities of both the horizontal and vertical varieties, but I’ve not much to say about it here. I just know that I’m starting to see them everywhere. Vertical here, horizontal there, and sometimes…both.
That has me to thinking about the more “finite” iterations of time. Depends on your vantage point tho. A Saturn V rocket looks quite small from 5 miles away. But if you strap your own ass into one of the couches inside the Command Module that sits atop of a Saturn V rocket? Yeah…they’re actually a pretty big rocket. They go fast too. Which has the effect of making both small stuff big, and big stuff small, and does so in rapid fashion. I wonder how our mind deals with such contrast and contrasts?
I know it’s taken me a while to get used to it. Not that I am really used to it. But going from far outside of Earth/Terra’s atmosphere, to deep within an atom inside of our planet’s crust, all within the span of a single second? Yeah…that shit takes some getting used to. Especially when time starts getting all wonky irrespective of scale(s).
^The Presets – 14U+14ME (Official Video)^
Can you imagine riding a single atom of Hydrogen for billions of years while traversing from the Earth’s crust, and riding that atom all the way to our planet’s core?
^Digitalism – Falling (Official Video)^
Stay warm Limeys.
^BEACH HOUSE — “LEMON GLOW”^
^Digitalism – Magnets^
*Ooh no, it’s much to cold for swimwear, Clicky… /pats snout…*
Until next time, Dear Reader… Have a Song ❤
A tweet caught my attention this morning, Dear Reader…
I’m not that keen on the VEG(etari)AN movement. I don’t trust it’s zealotry and I certainly don’t trust it’s sponsors…
…Butt, as I’d mentioned last weekend, The Secret Sun site has been busy cataloging the current de-luge of Vega/Vegas/Vegan media messaging…
…I was intrigued to what they were up to now, so I decided to go and have a look at the “so sad and utterly depressing” article for myself…
*/smirks… I doo like to catch a Roobee reference, Click… /snorts smoke…*
‘My current favourite dinner item is Iceland’s hash brown fries (seriously, try them), dipped in mayo (I never said I was classy).
‘Now, I’ve got two ride or die vegan mayos – Plamil’s garlic mayo, and Vegenaise (only if it’s on offer, because it’s hella expensive) but my eye wandered today when I discovered that there’s a new mayo in town.
‘And it’s made from waste water from the hummus industry.
‘Yup, Rubies in the Rubble mayo is made using aquafaba – the water drained from tins of chickpeas and other legumes. It translates from Latin as ‘bean water’.’
*Mmm… I like hummus, Clicky… /taps ash… And I like mayo… /puffs… especially with ham… /smacks lips…*
*/deep drag… Way to kill the messenger eh, Clicky? …/fiddles with lighter… *
… I confess, Dear Reader, when I read ‘chickpea’ in the article, Cicero sprang to mind…
‘Cicero’s cognomen, or personal surname, comes from the Latin for chickpea, cicer. Plutarch explains that the name was originally given to one of Cicero’s ancestors who had a cleft in the tip of his nose resembling a chickpea. However, it is more likely that Cicero’s ancestors prospered through the cultivation and sale of chickpeas. Romans often chose down-to-earth personal surnames. The famous family names of Fabius, Lentulus, and Piso come from the Latin names of beans, lentils, and peas, respectively.’
… Roman Beans, Lentils and Peas, all vegan staples, but what is ‘aquafaba’? Back to the offending article…
”Of course, using aquafaba to make mayo isn’t new – the aforementioned vegan mayos use aquafaba from soy beans – but Rubies’ aquafaba is a byproduct of the hummus industry.
‘‘We were inspired to get back into the kitchen after we saw a vegan foodie blogger was making gorgeous looking meringue with aquafaba, saying it performed just like egg whites,’ says Rubies co-founder, Jenny Costa.’
*You just had to bring it back to physics, Clicky… /rolls eyes… *
*Yeah… /pats snout… I don’t understand it either… /final drag… Shall we wrap this one up?*
*What?… /stubs butt…*
*Oh fuck! Well that’s even more of a reason for hummus producers to sell their been water to the vegans… Waste not, want knot…*
Apparently, we are in the midst of a great ‘Chickpea Crisis‘, Dear Reader…
*I know! Shh…*
‘The price of popular brand Me Too! has gone up by 12p for a 250g pot and 19p for a 500g pot. But the makers say the price rises have been down to the supermarkets.’
Whoa! Brand #metoo is getting kinda pricey. I think we need a Song 😉
Poor Anthea’s career trajectory had taken a sharp downward turn from the zenith of ‘TV Golden Girl’ after she sold out on her wedding day to a Snowflake.
The psychic story has already been updated once, and Physics remains, so it can’t possibly be a typo 😉
Um…no. I am not saying that. You said that. That said, I don’t think that ESP is what most people think it is. I think that it is much more complicated, detailed and complex than simply…ESP. But then again, I see both the “scientific” and “religious” sides of such a concept, and I see much much more than one or the other.
EXAMPLE: Have you ever been outside on a nice day, irrespective of the weather type/conditions. and just been like…”HELL FUCKING YEAH!!! WHAT AN AWESOME PLANET!!!”?
To me, that is ESP as much as anything. It’s almost as if God/The gods/The Universe is asking you…
“So…whadda ya think?” And then, give you a little wink…;-)
That feeling of being alive. NOT self-awareness…I’m talking about something else entirely. That feeling that NOTHING matters in this moment except the moment itself. Just you, and that moment, and all that came together over the history of histories, and over the time of times….just to make that one perfect moment for you. It’s almost as if God him or herself dropped by in that moment, just to say hi. No worries, no birth, no death, just…now.
Those moments last forever eh?
To me, that is just one form of what could be called ESP.
The Creator’s love is something that we tell ourselves we cannot understand.
But sometimes, we understand it just fine.
Fucking-A and Hells Bells and all that shit! Prayer is ESP if you ask me.
But no one is asking me.
Unless they are.
*Oh yeah, Clicky, Clemmie’s short for Clementine… Someone specifically mentioned that name… /thinks… When was it, Sunday?*
*And Hugo just published his story about Nazi bunnies…*
*Well yeah, Clicky, most of the characters are rabbits… /raises hand and points… Don’t start…*
Later in the evening I posted a couple of knot-eyes over on Red Frank’s MEROVEE. Head of the European Central Bank, Mario Draghi, and a number of Italian politicians had been hacked by a ‘high-ranking Mason‘, and the breathless ‘news’ out of CNN and Buzzfeed that Donald Trump had procured himself some showers.
Blue Frank put up a new post that featuring not only a Mason playing a high-ranking Nazi, but also a Monty…
Ah the Nazis, supreme coiners of the euphemisms like ‘Passivrauchen‘ (‘Secondhand Smoke’), you just can’t beat them… Quite literally it seems, as news of the growing menace of ‘Secondhand Sugars’ was announced to the world…
Meanwhile, a roller coaster at Warn Her Bros in Oz had broken down, stranding riders…
… Just as the Trump revelations looked to be turning into a secondhand hoax..
Dear Reader, make of this as you will but I feel in need of a Song. Doo have one…
Yesterday, the LoL received a special delivery…
*That’s not me, Clicky… Um… /pulls face… similar hair but knot me…*
My eyes lit up upon seeing the three copies of the book I’d ask Leggy for as part payment for my story contributions, but there was something else in the parcel that made my mouth water as well…
Digression for any Yanks looking in – what I’m about to describe is probably more familiar to you as ‘cookies’, and is pronounced…
*Hmm… well only some of them will pronounce it that particular manner, Clicky…*
biscuit (n.) respelled early 19c. from bisket (16c.), ultimately (besquite, early 14c.) from Old French bescuit (12c.), literally “twice cooked;” altered under influence of cognate Old Italian biscotto, both from Medieval Latin biscoctum, from Latin (panis) bis coctus “(bread) twice-baked;” see bis- + cook (v.). U.S. sense of “soft bun” is recorded from 1818.
*/holds up hand… They should only be limp after you’ve dipped them, Clicky…*
I knew they were coming; I’d been teased with photos of them a couple of days before…
But there is nothing like snapping the lid off a tupperware box and breathing in the waft of homemade biscuity goodness, escaping from inside…
Of course I sampled one of each of Poppy Sweet Pea’s delightful creations straightaway, Dear Reader – completely delish! – but then stupidly left the remainder in the box, in the kitchen. Yes, the Kit Chinwag room. How the fuck could I forget where Thing 2‘s first port of call upon arrival from school is? It was a massacre…
So, to the wonderful Poppy Sweet Pea, with thanks from Kid Biskit, one of his all time favourite tunes…
And a Song, with thanks, from me…
*Hit it, Clicky!*
“Tear me-net” Chinese Chip Lady told me the other evening over the roar of popping fat.
I’d been sent out to buy supper: Cod, chips, pie, sav (for Poppy the dog) and two buttered rolls. A feast but we’d have to wait. I placed my order and said…
Clicky, really… is it necessary to illustrate everything I say? Don’t answer…
Ten minutes to kill. What to do? I paid for dinner and decided visit Cash & Dash’s emporium, a hop, skip and jump away, to peruse their magazine racks whilst I waited.
Clicky, they’re Hindus *scratches head* … They are open over Christmas, I suppose… *shrugs* I’ll carry on with my story, if you don’t mind. No, don’t answer.
Childhood habit – my eyes flicked up to the top shelf. No porn on display these days but a title did catch my eye…
No fear, Clicky, I would have spotted those bazongas without my specs. Unreal…
It was the 50th issue in a Marvelous run of comic collectables. Like the zippo Thoughtful Man bought a little while back. I reached up, feeling naughty for no rational reason, and turned the tight cellophane-wrapped book over in my hands to take in the blurb on the back.
‘One of the five founding Avengers, Janet Van Dyne is the wondrous Wasp. Born of science to battle an incomprehensible enemy, she’s Earth’s tiniest titan!
‘Take in a tale to astonish, as we present the first appearance of the impeccable inspect Avenger, the Wasp! Then, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes endure the fight of their lives – when the fearsome Masters of Evil come knocking! The Wasp leads the charge as the team find themselves… Under Siege!’
I didn’t remember seeing her in either of the Avengers movies. I looked at the price – £9.99. I ummed and felt the crisp tenner in my pocket, change from the fish & chips supper. Then my eyes clocked some other numbers.
44, Click. That’S the atomic number for Ruthenium. That’s one of my numbers. And 271 and 273 are scrambled Shining room numbers…
That was it. I had to see what was inside but the cellophane was virgin tight. I ran my thumb along the seam and gently pressed…
I bought it, Click! What do you fucking take me for? No. Don’t answer!
“They’re up to Number 102” Cash eagerly informed me as he rung up the sale. I spent the next few minutes telling him in detail exactly why I had to buy this particular issue, until his eyes gazed over and I could escape. Being incomprehensible is an effective weapon. Besides, the chips would be ready.
I bade farewell and left, pushing the ‘Pull’ sign on the inside of the door. Thankfully that door swings both ways.
Supper was delicious. I won’t go into detail; rest assured there was plenty of salt & vinegar and lashings of sauce. I will finish this post with the first image I saw when I eased the cover open…
Have a Song… 😉
Twitter buddy Mhehed Zherting sent me a Direct Message last night. “My 15 seconds of fame”.
In the Wail, no less and flagged up on Twitter. Mhehed, always on his toes, had spotted and responded to some first-class fucktwattery on Twitter – a Politically Correct McNanny calling out a non-descript supermarket for stocking a
“They make Gin & Tonic flavoured crisps?!” I replied in wonder, fingers clicking. I’ve never even tasted a G&T in my life, but I had a sudden urge to try it now, and in crisp form. As luck would have it, there’s an Aldi store right next to The Office. I thanked Mhehed and told him I’d check them out and get back to him.
“Have a good day at work tomorrow. Don’t get drunk on Aldi’s crisps. CYL”. He’s so sweet, my twinkle toes, Mhehed.
This morning I forewent my smoke break in order to hunt down the irresponsible crisps. And as I stood forlornly in front of the meager selection of potato snacks at local Aldi. I was wishing I’d just gone for a fag instead.
“Psst.” A short chap with more hair on his chin than on his head approached me from behind. “Are you looking for the Gin & Tonic crisps?” He subtly shifted a frozen meat feast pizza on the top of his basket to reveal three packets of the sought after (and probably soon to be banned) snack.
“Yes! Where can I find them?” Elation, closely followed by the Second Thought: are those the only packets, and could I persuade him to share? “Are those the last ones?”. I noticed his substantial wife nearby clean and jerking boxes of lager into a trolley and decided not to risk a lip tremble.
He didn’t give me his crisps. “I’ll show you,” he said instead. So off we sidled to the center aisle, to a huge wire basket housing ‘Gourmet, Hand-Cooked’ crisps. But the only flavour it offered was ‘Camembert and Caramelised Onion’. They looked nice; I decided to get a packet of those, but they weren’t what I came in for. I rummaged through the top layers, coming up empty. Was I to be thwarted after all?
Again, my helpful stranger decided to assist and delved head first in for me. He eventually surfaced, after much waggling of feet, with an elusive packet of Gin & Tonic crisps clasped in his hand. Success! I thanked him, shook his hand and asked him his name.
“Steve”. Ah, another Thoughtful Man.
Okay, I did have a cigarette before I returned to The Office. But I never take a lunch break anyway.
Once back, I decided to find out if these potentially dangerous crisps really do taste like gin and tonic, and whether they have an intoxicating effect. If these were as harmful as PC McNanny was suggesting they could be in her tweet, I had better canvas some adult opinion. So that I could responsibly take what was left home to my house, containing two impressionable teenage boys, with hollow legs.
I decided to draw up some questions, set out two bowls and put out a plea for help from my Office co-workers…
Free food usually grabs their attention 😉
I was fairly certain that cheese and onion (caramelised or not) wouldn’t get anyone drunk, so they would be sampled, too. And a cheese and onion crisp might soak up any alcohol if the first G&T sample proved too potent.
Four questions per bowl were asked;
- Taste exactly like?
- Do you feel drunk?
For half and hour or so, my usually quiet side of the Office filled with the noise of crunching, munching and considered opinions. Not only desk jockeys; the workmen renovating our toilets chipped in with their valued opinions also. In all, 29 people on the third floor of the building were surveyed, and spent the rest of the afternoon picking their teeth. The results, below, include 3 more – Thoughtful Man, Lupus and Kitler:
- 32 people tried the Gin &Tonic (G&T) crisps (30 adults, 2 children)
- 30 people tried the Camembert & Caramelised Onion (C&CO) crisps (28 adults, 2 children – the veggie declined because they didn’t meet her dietary requirements, and another because he was meeting clients later and didn’t want his breath to smell.)
- G&T Like: 15
- G&T Dislike: 11
- G&T Neither like or dislike: 6
- C&CO Like: 20
- C&CO Dislike: 7
- C&CO Neither like or dislike: 3
- Tasted like G&T: 32 No (suggestions included:- lime (10), lemon (8), citrus (2) tonic (2), tonic & lime (1), spirit (2), sugar (1), cardboard (1), nothing (2))
- Tasted like C&CO: 14 Yes and 16 No (suggestions included:- onion (5), cheese (7), Quavers (3), foot (1))
- Do you feel drunk on G&T?: 32 No
- Do you feel drunk on C&CO?: 32 No (including two “Mum!”)
Make of it all what you will. It’s what the Experts do 😉
Clicky, I need a Song… oh, you’ve already got it.
It’s my birthday today. I got cake for breakfast from Google …
*I know! What a scrummy surprise …*
… and Thoughtful Man took me shopping …
*Hardly, Clicky … the local Asbo …*
He takes me shopping once a year, mostly to remind himself why he doesn’t go shopping with me more regularly …
*No, not quite …*
I rather like food shopping, looking at all the product laden shelves … studying the exciting ingredients … riding the trolley … I get rather google-eyed at it all …
“Calm down or I’ll Mary Lincoln you” Thoughtful Man sighed heavily, placing a steading hand on the handlebar as it wobbled closer to a 2 for 1 special on Pot Noodles.
“Ab Lincoln’s wife? I was taken aback and slightly flattered … the wife of a President.
“She went mental and was committed by her son after she fell in with a spiritualist” he replied as we skirted past a group of lads looking for the barbecue and beer aisle. “He invented double exposure photography, though he didn’t get the credit for it”.
I skidded to a stop … good job too, I hadn’t seen the mobility scooters conveniently parked at the entrance to the cat food aisle. “Do you mean like Photoshop?”
*Unfortunately Clicky, I don’t think that’s photoshopped …*
*No, not that one either …*
“I suppose … Do we really need this much cheese?” He eyed the trolley contents suspiciously, “toothpicks, pineapple chucks … tin foil … Hang on, I thought you didn’t want a birthday party”.
“I don’t. It’s in case the neighbour’s child comes over to play with the boys”. His icy squint burned. “Sorry, I invited him. He’s just lost his mother”.
“He ate her”.
“I don’t think he had a choice.” I pushed on toward the frozen pizzas. “I think it was like one of those Donner Party situations”.
He caught up by the time we’d reached the check out. “So you [blip] think he’d prefer eating cheese and pineapple [blip] kebabs instead?!” He fluffed open a plastic bag and started filling it. “You are a [blip] mad [blip]“.
*Please Clicky don’t do it. I’m so embarrassed …*