Chickpeas A Chance

A tweet caught my attention this morning, Dear Reader…

Ninamoose101 is feeling sad and depressed

I’m not that keen on the VEG(etari)AN movement. I don’t trust it’s zealotry and I certainly don’t trust it’s sponsors

…Butt, as I’d mentioned last weekend, The Secret Sun site has been busy cataloging the current de-luge of Vega/Vegas/Vegan media messaging…

*That’s a concise little video, Clicky… /lights up… Thanks for pulling it out… /drags… I’d only heard of Jeff Buckley for the first time in the Blue universe… *

…I was intrigued to what they were up to now, so I decided to go and have a look at the “so sad and utterly depressing” article for myself…

Metro Vegan Rubies

*/smirks… I doo like to catch a Roobee reference, Click… /snorts smoke…*

‘My current favourite dinner item is Iceland’s hash brown fries (seriously, try them), dipped in mayo (I never said I was classy).

‘Now, I’ve got two ride or die vegan mayos – Plamil’s garlic mayo, and Vegenaise (only if it’s on offer, because it’s hella expensive) but my eye wandered today when I discovered that there’s a new mayo in town.

‘And it’s made from waste water from the hummus industry.

‘Yup, Rubies in the Rubble mayo is made using aquafaba – the water drained from tins of chickpeas and other legumes. It translates from Latin as ‘bean water’.’

*Mmm… I like hummus, Clicky… /taps ash… And I like mayo… /puffs… especially with ham… /smacks lips…*

*/deep drag… Way to kill the messenger eh, Clicky? …/fiddles with lighter… *

… I confess, Dear Reader, when I read ‘chickpea’ in the article, Cicero sprang to mind…

Cicero’s cognomen, or personal surname, comes from the Latin for chickpeacicer. Plutarch explains that the name was originally given to one of Cicero’s ancestors who had a cleft in the tip of his nose resembling a chickpea. However, it is more likely that Cicero’s ancestors prospered through the cultivation and sale of chickpeas. Romans often chose down-to-earth personal surnames. The famous family names of Fabius, Lentulus, and Piso come from the Latin names of beans, lentils, and peas, respectively.’

… Roman Beans, Lentils and Peas, all vegan staples, but what is ‘aquafaba’? Back to the offending article…

”Of course, using aquafaba to make mayo isn’t new – the aforementioned vegan mayos use aquafaba from soy beans – but Rubies’ aquafaba is a byproduct of the hummus industry.

‘‘We were inspired to get back into the kitchen after we saw a vegan foodie blogger was making gorgeous looking meringue with aquafaba, saying it performed just like egg whites,’ says Rubies co-founder, Jenny Costa.’

*You just had to bring it back to physics, Clicky… /rolls eyes… *

Rubble scratch

*Yeah… /pats snout… I don’t understand it either… /final drag… Shall we wrap this one up?*

Hold Your Horses

*What?… /stubs butt…*

chickpea crisis

*Oh fuck! Well that’s even more of a reason for hummus producers to sell their been water to the vegans… Waste not, want knot…*

Apparently, we are in the midst of a great ‘Chickpea Crisis‘, Dear Reader…

Scooby snigger

*I know! Shh…*

‘The price of popular brand Me Too! has gone up by 12p for a 250g pot and 19p for a 500g pot. But the makers say the price rises have been down to the supermarkets.’

Whoa! Brand #metoo is getting kinda pricey. I think we need a Song 😉

 

Tasting, Testing, One, Two… */taps mic…*

MONDAY NIGHT

Whilst twittering with Hugo, he sent me a link to a story written by a Clemmie, about a dead girl called Ruth Turner, who talks to her celeb sibling via psychics…

hugo-psychic-mail-dm-to-roob

‘Tis true, mediums may facilitate convos with her dear departed sis (15), but Physics warned Anthea (56) about her husband’s philandering with Zoe (27) a socialite…

anthea-turner-warnings-from-physics

Poor Anthea’s career trajectory had taken a sharp downward turn from the zenith of ‘TV Golden Girl’ after she sold out on her wedding day to a Snowflake.

The psychic story has already been updated once, and Physics remains, so it can’t possibly be a typo 😉

TUESDAY AFTERNOON

I received a missive from the Okie Devil that includes a famous physicist’s diagram. Had a bit trouble with Clicky… The lest said the better… But was also interested to hear Cade talk about ESP

Um…no. I am not saying that. You said that. That said, I don’t think that ESP is what most people think it is. I think that it is much more complicated, detailed and complex than simply…ESP. But then again, I see both the “scientific” and “religious” sides of such a concept, and I see much much more than one or the other.
EXAMPLE: Have you ever been outside on a nice day, irrespective of the weather type/conditions. and just been like…”HELL FUCKING YEAH!!! WHAT AN AWESOME PLANET!!!”?
To me, that is ESP as much as anything. It’s almost as if God/The gods/The Universe is asking you…
So…whadda ya think?” And then, give you a little wink…;-)
That feeling of being alive. NOT self-awareness…I’m talking about something else entirely. That feeling that NOTHING matters in this moment except the moment itself. Just you, and that moment, and all that came together over the history of histories, and over the time of times….just to make that one perfect moment for you. It’s almost as if God him or herself dropped by in that moment, just to say hi. No worries, no birth, no death, just…now.
Those moments last forever eh?
To me, that is just one form of what could be called ESP.
The Creator’s love is something that we tell ourselves we cannot understand.
But sometimes, we understand it just fine.
Fucking-A and Hells Bells and all that shit! Prayer is ESP if you ask me.
But no one is asking me.
Unless they are. 😉

*Oh yeah, Clicky, Clemmie’s short for Clementine… Someone specifically mentioned that name… /thinks… When was it, Sunday?*

cade-on-merovee-080117

*And Hugo just published his story about Nazi bunnies…*

*Well yeah, Clicky, most of the characters are rabbits… /raises hand and points… Don’t start…*

Later in the evening I posted a couple of knot-eyes over on Red Frank’s MEROVEE. Head of the European Central Bank, Mario Draghi, and a number of Italian politicians had been hacked by a ‘high-ranking Mason‘, and the breathless ‘news’ out of CNN and Buzzfeed that Donald Trump had procured himself some showers.

WEDNESDAY MORNING

Blue Frank put up a new post that featuring not only a Mason playing a high-ranking Nazi, but also a Monty

frank-davis-was-monty-and-anti

Ah the Nazis, supreme coiners of the euphemisms like ‘Passivrauchen‘ (‘Secondhand Smoke’), you just can’t beat them… Quite literally it seems, as news of the growing menace of ‘Secondhand Sugars’ was announced to the world…

Meanwhile, a roller coaster at Warn Her Bros in Oz had broken down, stranding riders…

… Just as the Trump revelations looked to be turning into a secondhand hoax..

zero-hedge-4chan-trump-hoax

Dear Reader, make of  this as you will but I feel in need of a Song. Doo have one…

scooby-lick

Kid Biskit – The Fastest Cookie Muncher in the West…

Yesterday, the LoL received a special delivery…

*That’s not me, Clicky… Um… /pulls face… similar hair but knot me…* 

My eyes lit up upon seeing the three copies of the book I’d ask Leggy for as part payment for my story contributions, but there was something else in the parcel that made my mouth water as well…

*******

Digression for any Yanks looking in – what I’m about to describe is probably more familiar to you as ‘cookies’, and is pronounced…

*Hmm… well only some of them will pronounce it that particular manner, Clicky…*

biscuit (n.) respelled early 19c. from bisket (16c.), ultimately (besquite, early 14c.) from Old French bescuit (12c.), literally “twice cooked;” altered under influence of cognate Old Italian biscotto, both from Medieval Latin biscoctum, from Latin (panis) bis coctus “(bread) twice-baked;” see bis- + cook (v.). U.S. sense of “soft bun” is recorded from 1818.

*/holds up hand… They should only be limp after you’ve dipped them, Clicky…*

*Well, Hobnobs are notoriously difficult dunkers to debunk… /squints… And don’t you dare move onto Jaffa Cakes… This digression is over, Clicky… Capisce?*

*******

I knew they were coming; I’d been teased with photos of them a couple of days before…

But there is nothing like snapping the lid off a tupperware box and breathing in the waft of homemade biscuity goodness, escaping from inside…

biscuit-remains

*/huffs… Yeah!*

Of course I sampled one of each of Poppy Sweet Pea’s delightful creations straightaway, Dear Reader – completely delish! – but then stupidly left the remainder in the box, in the kitchen. Yes, the Kit Chinwag room. How the fuck could I forget where Thing 2‘s first port of call upon arrival from school is? It was a massacre…

So, to the wonderful Poppy Sweet Pea, with thanks from Kid Biskit, one of his all time favourite tunes…

And a Song, with thanks, from me…

*Hit it, Clicky!*

 

 

Wait, Ask, Sniff, Pet.

“Tear me-net” Chinese Chip Lady told me the other evening over the roar of popping fat.

I’d been sent out to buy supper: Cod, chips, pie, sav (for Poppy the dog) and two buttered rolls. A feast but we’d have to wait. I placed my order and said…

tumblr_mzp4uw8vko1qcga5ro1_500

Clicky, really… is it necessary to illustrate everything I say? Don’t answer…

Ten minutes to kill. What to do? I paid for dinner and decided visit Cash & Dash’s emporium, a hop, skip and jump away, to peruse their magazine racks whilst I waited.

cash and dash

Clicky, they’re Hindus *scratches head* … They are open over Christmas, I suppose… *shrugs* I’ll carry on with my story, if you don’t mind. No, don’t answer.

Childhood habit – my eyes flicked up to the top shelf. No porn on display these days but a title did catch my eye…

The Wasp

No fear, Clicky, I would have spotted those bazongas without my specs. Unreal…

It was the 50th issue in a Marvelous run of comic collectables. Like the zippo Thoughtful Man bought a little while back. I reached up, feeling naughty for no rational reason, and turned the tight cellophane-wrapped book over in my hands to take in the blurb on the back.

‘One of the five founding Avengers, Janet Van Dyne is the wondrous Wasp. Born of science to battle an incomprehensible enemy, she’s Earth’s tiniest titan!

‘Take in a tale to astonish, as we present the first appearance of the impeccable inspect Avenger, the Wasp! Then, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes endure the fight of their lives – when the fearsome Masters of Evil come knocking! The Wasp leads the charge as the team find themselves… Under Siege!’

I didn’t remember seeing her in either of the Avengers movies. I looked at the price – £9.99. I ummed and felt the crisp tenner in my pocket, change from the fish & chips supper. Then my eyes clocked some other numbers.

Waspish Numbers

44, Click. That’S the atomic number for Ruthenium. That’s one of my numbers. And 271 and 273 are scrambled Shining room numbers…

giphy

That was it. I had to see what was inside but the cellophane was virgin tight. I ran my thumb along the seam and gently pressed…

I bought it, Click! What do you fucking take me for? No. Don’t answer!

“They’re up to Number 102” Cash eagerly informed me as he rung up the sale. I spent the next few minutes telling him in detail exactly why I had to buy this particular issue, until his eyes gazed over and I could escape. Being incomprehensible is an effective weapon. Besides, the chips would be ready.

I bade farewell and left, pushing the ‘Pull’ sign on the inside of the door. Thankfully that door swings both ways.

Supper was delicious. I won’t go into detail; rest assured there was plenty of salt & vinegar and lashings of sauce.  I will finish this post with the first image I saw when I eased the cover open…

wise words

Have a Song… 😉

 

 

 

Deep and Crisp and Even

Twitter buddy Mhehed Zherting sent me a Direct Message last night. “My 15 seconds of fame”.

HLNMGkXM

In the Wail, no less and flagged up on Twitter. Mhehed, always on his toes, had spotted and responded to some first-class fucktwattery on Twitter – a Politically Correct McNanny calling out a non-descript supermarket for stocking a

McNanny's irresponsible tweet

“They make Gin & Tonic flavoured crisps?!” I replied in wonder, fingers clicking. I’ve never even tasted a G&T in my life, but I had a sudden urge to try it now, and in crisp form. As luck would have it, there’s an Aldi store right next to The Office. I thanked Mhehed and told him I’d check them out and get back to him.

“Have a good day at work tomorrow. Don’t get drunk on Aldi’s crisps. CYL”. He’s so sweet, my twinkle toes, Mhehed.

This morning I forewent my smoke break in order to hunt down the irresponsible crisps. And as I stood forlornly in front of the meager selection of potato snacks at local Aldi. I was wishing I’d just gone for a fag instead.

“Psst.” A short chap with more hair on his chin than on his head approached me from behind. “Are you looking for the Gin & Tonic crisps?” He subtly shifted a frozen meat feast pizza on the top of his basket to reveal three packets of the sought after (and probably soon to be banned) snack.

“Yes! Where can I find them?” Elation, closely followed by the Second Thought: are those the only packets, and could I persuade him to share? “Are those the last ones?”. I noticed his substantial wife nearby clean and jerking boxes of lager into a trolley and decided not to risk a lip tremble.

He didn’t give me his crisps. “I’ll show you,” he said instead. So off we sidled to the center aisle, to a huge wire basket housing ‘Gourmet, Hand-Cooked’ crisps. But the only flavour it offered was ‘Camembert and Caramelised Onion’. They looked nice; I decided to get a packet of those, but they weren’t what I came in for. I rummaged through the top layers, coming up empty. Was I to be thwarted after all?

Again, my helpful stranger decided to assist and delved head first in for me. He eventually surfaced, after much waggling of feet, with an elusive packet of Gin & Tonic crisps clasped in his hand. Success! I thanked him, shook his hand and asked him his name.

“Steve”. Ah, another Thoughtful Man.

Okay, I did have a cigarette before I returned to The Office. But I never take a lunch break anyway.

Once back, I decided to find out if these potentially dangerous crisps really do taste like gin and tonic, and whether they have an intoxicating effect. If these were as harmful as PC McNanny was suggesting they could be in her tweet, I had better canvas some adult opinion. So that I could responsibly take what was left home to my house, containing two impressionable teenage boys, with hollow legs.

I decided to draw up some questions, set out two bowls and put out a plea for help from my Office co-workers…

Crisp challenge

Free food usually grabs their attention 😉

I was fairly certain that cheese and onion (caramelised or not) wouldn’t get anyone drunk, so they would be sampled, too. And a cheese and onion crisp might soak up any alcohol if the first G&T sample proved too potent.

Four questions per bowl were asked;

  1. Like?
  2. Dislike?
  3. Taste exactly like?
  4. Do you feel drunk?

For half and hour or so, my usually quiet side of the Office filled with the noise of crunching, munching and considered opinions. Not only desk jockeys; the workmen renovating our toilets chipped in with their valued opinions also. In all, 29 people on the third floor of the building were surveyed, and spent the rest of the afternoon picking their teeth. The results, below, include 3 more – Thoughtful Man, Lupus and Kitler:

  • 32 people tried the Gin &Tonic (G&T) crisps (30 adults, 2 children)
  • 30 people tried the Camembert & Caramelised Onion (C&CO) crisps (28 adults, 2 children – the veggie declined because they didn’t meet her dietary requirements, and another because he was meeting clients later and didn’t want his breath to smell.)
  • G&T Like: 15
  • G&T Dislike: 11
  • G&T Neither like or dislike: 6
  • C&CO Like: 20
  • C&CO Dislike: 7
  • C&CO Neither like or dislike: 3
  • Tasted like G&T: 32 No (suggestions included:- lime (10), lemon (8), citrus (2) tonic (2), tonic & lime (1), spirit (2), sugar (1), cardboard (1), nothing (2))
  • Tasted like C&CO: 14 Yes and 16 No (suggestions included:- onion (5), cheese (7), Quavers (3), foot (1))
  • Do you feel drunk on G&T?: 32 No
  • Do you feel drunk on C&CO?: 32 No (including two “Mum!”)

Make of it all what you will. It’s what the Experts do 😉

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Clicky, I need a Song… oh, you’ve already got it.

Altered Images

It’s my birthday today. I got cake for breakfast from Google …

happy birthday roobeedoo from google 250515

*I know! What a scrummy surprise …*

… and Thoughtful Man took me shopping …

*Hardly, Clicky … the local Asbo …*

He takes me shopping once a year, mostly to remind himself why he doesn’t go shopping with me more regularly …

*No, not quite …*

I rather like food shopping, looking at all the product laden shelves … studying the exciting ingredients … riding the trolley … I get rather google-eyed at it all …

“Calm down or I’ll Mary Lincoln you” Thoughtful Man sighed heavily, placing a steading hand on the handlebar as it wobbled closer to a 2 for 1 special on Pot Noodles.

“Ab Lincoln’s wife? I was taken aback and slightly flattered … the wife of a President.

“She went mental and was committed by her son after she fell in with a spiritualist” he replied as we skirted past a group of lads looking for the barbecue and beer aisle.  “He invented double exposure photography, though he didn’t get the credit for it”.

I skidded to a stop … good job too, I hadn’t seen the mobility scooters conveniently parked at the entrance to the cat food aisle. “Do you mean like Photoshop?”

*Unfortunately Clicky, I don’t think that’s photoshopped …*

*No, not that one either …*

“I suppose … Do we really need this much cheese?” He eyed the trolley contents suspiciously, “toothpicks, pineapple chucks … tin foil … Hang on, I thought you didn’t want a birthday party”.

“I don’t. It’s in case the neighbour’s child comes over to play with the boys”. His icy squint burned. “Sorry, I invited him. He’s just lost his mother”.

“He ate her”.

“I don’t think he had a choice.” I pushed on toward the frozen pizzas. “I think it was like one of those Donner Party situations”.

He caught up by the time we’d reached the check out. “So you [blip] think he’d prefer eating cheese and pineapple [blip] kebabs instead?!” He fluffed open a plastic bag and started filling it. “You are a [blip] mad [blip]“.

*Please Clicky don’t do it. I’m so embarrassed …*

*Clicky!*