Today the LoL brings the tale of when Two Be Cums One…

*Okay strange, dolphin-like sidekick of mine, cue Song.*

*Spicy! Ready, Clicky?  /clears throat…*

‘A secondary school in Southend has come under fire after it announced a new initiative to combine sexual education with politics.’

*Combining sex and politics… that’s bound to end well, Clicky… /rolls eyes… Come on, hit us with it.*

*An EU flag covered in spunky handwriting? Oh, this is gonna be good… /cough*

‘A number of outraged parents have already threatened to remove their children.’

The headteacher at Southchurch Academy Grammar School, a mixed-sex school for ages 11-18 with sixth form facilities, believes that the so-called ‘Don’t Pull Out’ campaign will combine two key messages: that ‘pulling out’ isn’t a safe alternative to wearing a condom, and also that the UK should remain in the EU.

*Holy fuck! At last, Clicky! I can see the point of Steve Bell*

*What is it, five, six years I’ve waited to see something funny in his ‘Cameron Condom’ cartoons… beyond the obvious – Dave the Rave’s a knob head. Talk about a slow burner.*

 

“Teenage pregnancy rates have never been higher in Essex, and so by encouraging pupils aged 11 and over to steer clear of pulling out, an incredibly dangerous and ineffective form of contraception, we can hopefully drive these numbers down. Also, this is an ideal opportunity to let them know the dangers of the UK pulling out of the European Union, and our senior managers have spent many hours writing a joint curriculum for sex education and political studies that combines these two subjects in a groundbreaking manner.“

*Ah, teaching. Getting paid to be a political activist… No, hang on, Southend Academy Grammar School? I don’t think I know that one…/thinks…

What’s the headteacher’s name? /scans down… Oh, you’ll love this, Clicky. Okay, first word…*

*/hits nose. Second word, sounds like a fish…*

 

 

 

*/hits nose… You’re too good at this Clicky. Third word, then…

*/sigh… Too easy for you, boy.*

Head Sir Marlon Dipper continued: ‘Right away, every student in the school will get an information pack with condoms that have the iconic and magnificent EU flag on the wrapper, and these are presented inside a leaflet that explains how leaving the union could damage businesses and drive other cultures and languages away from the UK.’

*’Magnificent EU flag’?! Hmm… /wink*

However, a number of parents have complained. Michael Spooge has a daughter in Year 7, and he said: ‘This is a disgraceful way to educate our children. They should be left to make up their own mind about our nation’s future in Europe, and in any case an 11-year-old girl doesn’t even need to think about this kind of thing at her age.’

*Spooge? A typo, Clicky?*

*/Squints*

There has been a similarly negative reaction from local sexual health awareness groups, with one campaigner Millie Wick threatening to distribute 10,000 Union Jack condoms to South Essex teens through the main GUM clinic in Southend Town Centre.

*/stiffles giggle…*

dip one’s wick

verb phrase

To insert one’s penis; do the sex act; screw: You dipped your wick just like the rest of them (late 1800s+)