Category: Comedy

Wake Up & Smell The Covfefe…

Two instances of humour from the States overnight, Dear Reader. One intended, the other not so much…

Trump wins by a head

*Yikes! Gruesome…*

The Comedienne Vs The Donald…

*Knot that Donald, Clicky…*

First up, the comedienne Kathy Griffin with her intended attempt at humour…

*I guess the only line she’ll be concerned with now is the unemployment line, Clicky…*

Who she was trying to entertain with the skit is unknown. It certainly wasn’t the 62 million plus people that voted for Trump 7 months ago. And where she got the idea that a dead Prez is funny, is an utter mystery…

*Ahh… /nods head…*

The other, unintended, humour came in the form of a tweet, during which the Prez fell asleep… probably…

covfefe time

One word was close to breaking the internet on Wednesday morning: “covfefe“.

It was an apparent typo in a tweet by US President Donald Trump, and internet users have been mocking him mercilessly.

“Despite the constant negative press covfefe,” he tweeted just after midnight, Washington time.

And he then appeared to have gone to bed, without finishing his thought or correcting his mistake.

It took six hours before he acknowledged it with a good-humoured response, and by that time a lot of people had had a lot of fun.

I did notice quite a lot of the ‘humorous’ tweeted responses were, how can I describe them… Griffinesque. However, there were some notable exceptions…

Orbs are bunk

Have a Song 😉

Quick Quark…

Dear Reader, this has been my last week of…

freedom.gif

*No, Clicky… /rolls eyes… of unemployment…*

…And to celebrate, I have spent it doing… */thinks* … erm, fuck all really…

you go girl

*Ah, I always appreciate your encouragement, Clicky… /pats snout…*

Yesterday, I took time out to watch three old movies from the 80s – one I’d never heard of before called ‘Back to the Beach‘…

*Completely mad, Clicky… that Song featured in Cade’s last missive…*

…and two old favourites. The first, a detective love story…

*”Be careful among them English” …Ah Witness… I love that film…*

witness look

*Yeah, yeah I saw ‘Wallace’ in the wiki entry too, Clicky… /sigh… Look, it’s not exactly ‘freedom’ if your significant other has to work extra hours ‘cos you’re not paying your way…*

*Er, Thoughtful Man is not a prostitute! And his ‘for hire’ sign is not red, it’s orange… /slaps forehead… Oh yeah, Clicky, the other film…*

… And the second movie, a romantic comedy, starring Steve Martin…

In 1963, when I assigned the name “quark” to the fundamental constituents of the nucleon, I had the sound first, without the spelling, which could have been “kwork”. Then, in one of my occasional perusals of Finnegans Wake, by James Joyce, I came across the word “quark” in the phrase “Three quarks for Muster Mark”. Since “quark” (meaning, for one thing, the cry of the gull) was clearly intended to rhyme with “Mark”, as well as “bark” and other such words, I had to find an excuse to pronounce it as “kwork”. But the book represents the dream of a publican named Humphrey Chimpden Earwicker. Words in the text are typically drawn from several sources at once, like the “portmanteau” words in Through the Looking-Glass. From time to time, phrases occur in the book that are partially determined by calls for drinks at the bar. I argued, therefore, that perhaps one of the multiple sources of the cry “Three quarks for Muster Mark” might be “Three quarts for Mister Mark”, in which case the pronunciation “kwork” would not be totally unjustified. In any case, the number three fitted perfectly the way quarks occur in nature.

irony

*Well, quite… But chuck in a white coat…*

*About time for a final Song eh, Clicky? …/squints… And don’t even think of giving us Alanis Morisette… not a single line in that Song is ironic…*

Have a wonderful Bank Holiday weekend, Dear Reader. Have a Song…

Reading Signs: Jews and Dotes…

Frankly, Dear Reader, sometimes reading signs ‘correctly’ can be a bit of a schlep…

Hackney residents were shocked yesterday to see a new road sign had been erected…

*Beards and hats and dressed in black… /shakes head… Knot Amish, though, Clicky. You don’t get many Amish in London…*

Franck Allais produced the road sign artwork for a project, to ‘celebrate London’s diversity’.

“It was a project about crossing the road … how everyone is different, everyone has an identity.

“There is not only one sign in the street. I put more signs up in the street, but only this one got noticed.

“I am sorry for any offence caused.”

Signs missed by the residents included a woman pushing a shopping trolley…

… a man pushing a wheelchair…

… and a cat…

*Knot exactly ‘people’ though, Clicky, eh? *

*/rolls eyes…*

A misunderstanding then, rectified and apology given. Not a sign of a hate crime…

“We take reports of hate crimes extremely seriously so if any residents find any kind of anti-Semitic signs or graffiti they should immediately report them to the police on 101.”

*/sneers… Hateful sign…*

Blue Frank put up an interesting post today about ‘roadkill‘. He too is seeing signs…

But it might be beginning to change. It’s not as easy “to control exactly what people think” as it was 20 years ago. The internet is changing how information gets around. The MSM no longer has a monopoly on what and what isn’t news.

*Smokers and Jews have a lot in common, Clicky… /sigh…*

… Whilst Red Frank posted images of Anne Frank, and children fleeing for their lives, along a road…

*He also included one of Leggy’s short stories, Clicky… From the same book at ‘Telephone Pest’… We turned that into a screenplay… /blows out cheeks… Fucked if I know how to get it made…*

*Heh. You romantic, Clicky… /lights up… And if knot? …/blows smoke…*

 

Dunn and Dusted…

Sad news today, folks: Grandad has passed on to the great butchers shop in the sky…

*Knot 19, Clicky, he was 92…*

*/lights up and smokes… I ain’t panicking, gno… Well, it had to ‘appen, Clicky... Everybody goes eventually…*

*/nods sagely… That’s true… /sniffs… Ooh, smells like dinner’s nearly ready – fancy a Song, Clicky?*

 

Smoke me a Kipper…

https://twitter.com/RooBeeDoo1/status/793396822496645120

It’s been a hard slog, Dear Reader…

*OMG, Clicky! …/lights up and smokes… made a wish and granted it to myself, didn’t I …/rolls eyes…*

https://twitter.com/RooBeeDoo1/status/793411638540038144

*…/huffs and puffs… I wonder if it could happen Clicky… Ore if it’s butt a daydream…*

tumblr_mwv7q3ntml1sonopio1_500

*Indeed…  /pats snout…*

https://twitter.com/RooBeeDoo1/status/793059892449906688

*Oh, who cares anyway, Clicky… Come on… /shrugs and blows smoke… Library work to Doo… *

Dear Reader… Fancy a dance?

 

Ping Pong Piddle Pogo

A number of things in the last 24 hours have led me to consider writing a post about Peter Sellers…

*No Clicky, nothing to do with Kubrick…*

I have posted about Peter Sellers before, at Sync Miss For Him…

seller-door-1

*Well, I hope Dear Reader takes a look and a loiter, Clicky… It’s a bit like being handed somebody’s holiday snaps, though – it’s hard to enthuse unless you’re really interested or were actually there*

But yesterday evening, Red Frank posted ‘Love Hurts‘ at MEROVEE and included the Pink Pan-ther…

red-frank-posts-pink-panther

*Kardashian? Hmm…*

Meanwhile I was having a conversation with Cade about books and poetry and ‘overt lurking‘…

seller-door-2

Plus Hugo was in a peculiar mood…

hugo-and-roob-dm-convo

And then today, in conversation with Legs about his moving home…

roob-and-legs-dm-convo-1

*Okay, maybe a little bit to do with Kubrick, Clicky… but it was more about the comment Cade left at Leggy’s place…*

roob-and-legs-dm-convo-2

cades-poem-at-ubu

*Jcrashinthecar…dashian, Clicky? …/rolls eyes…*

But it continued…

seller-door-3

roob-and-legs-dm-convo-3

*A PA, Clicky? …/holds up hands…*

roob-and-legs-dm-convo-4

In Internet culture, a lurker is typically a member of an online community or PLN who observes, but does not actively participate.

*******

Obituary dated 3rd of October…

obituary-for-hermione-harvey

Have a Song…

Ay, there’s the rub …

I say, I say, I say … my dog’s got no nose …

loopy and poopy lift off

*Oh Clicky-Doo that’s wonderful … photography is not my forte …*

*******

“I suppose you can always jazz it up.” Thoughtful Man handed the camera back to me, perfectly timed to his zooming squint. “What’s the connection between the two?”

“Whitehouse…” My eyes signaled which way I would turn my head before I did. Left in this instance.

“That’s extremely tenuous and nobody will understand the connection, except me”.  Laser squint dissolved into rapid blinking. “One. Newman and Baddiel were only half of the ‘Mary Whitehouse Experience‘.” He shook his head. “And number two. We only met Paul Whitehouse at Roy’s play.”

It’s true. At half time in the bar Roy, Thoughtful Man’s best friend from school, and basis of one of the play’s two main characters, introduced us to the great man. We said “Hi”.

“You were too shy to even talk to him, for goodness sake!”

*Marc Warren, Clicky? Oh he was very shy when I told how brilliant he was at playing Thoughtful Man …*

“Hello. Seriously, are you not listening to me?” He was wearing his ‘You’re not listening to me’ expression.

“Of course I was listening.” I thought fast. “You said, ‘You can connect anything to anything else if you look hard enough. It’s just coincidence. Everybody has them’.” I turned the camera back and took his photo *Click*.

The squint was back. “Lucky guess”.

“Of course. I’m the luckiest woman in the world. I married you.” Unfortunately the deadpan delivery only served intensified the squint.

“True.” He rubbed his chin. “But you do spend far too much time on the internet.” Again true …

Maslow updated

“I’ll be as flexible as I can with your synchronicity malarky but I’ll be glad when your holiday is over and you get back to real work.” His face was set …

*I said ‘set’, Clicky.*

Gently, he took the camera back, laid it on the table and took my hand. “Why are you spending all day chatting to great unwashed, listening to rubbish and chasing old laughs?” He looked at me thoughtfully. “I’m on holiday, too. We could connect”.

*Not fair and not true, Clicky… /rolls eyes… So jealous…*

 

 

With Knobs On

*Following Joe Public approval … Thanks … Click /giggle*

“Come and have a look at this!” chortled Thoughtful Man from across the room. I looked up, for I was bending over, having an interesting rummage though the programmes delivered last week. I was looking for one in particular. “Hmm?”

“You’ve got to see this”. He sounded excited, which doesn’t happen often, so best not avoided. Fortunately I’d found what I was looking for. Rising, I turned to see him leering and pointing at Elsa, the LoL computer. “It’s an old advert for WD-40”. WD40 advert “That can’t be real”. I said wiping a tear of mirth from my eye. As funny as it was, it couldn’t possibly be real.

“I shouldn’t think so. It’s on the internet.” He winked at me. “Although WD-40 was originally from ‘The Rocket Chemical Company’.” He winked again. Genuine or not, it had put him in a good mood. “And what were you looking for?” he said jovially, plucking the battered programme I was clutching from my hand. Dead Funny Programme 1994 “I don’t remember this one. Which one was this?” He thumbed through the pages before handing it back. “It was the one with the willy.” He stared back at me blankly. “Frankie and Benny” I continued but nothing was clicking except maybe confusion; I’d forgotten about our local bistro.

I explained that I’d just watched the Graham Norton show, which had featured Stephen Merchant promoting his new play, ‘The Mentalists’. He would have to get nude on stage and we’d seen extremely funny, dare I say ‘flapping’, nudity when we’d gone to see ‘Dead Funny’.

He looked at me knowingly. “Trust you to remember that”. “The funniest thing is that I saw the actor, David Haig, sometime after at London Bridge station, during rush hour.” I paused as a look of horror crossed his face. “Stood right next to him actually.”

“You didn’t?”.

“What? Compliment him on the acting abilities of his willy?” I smiled sweetly. Thoughtful Man shook his head, covered his eyes and sighed. Deeply. “Would I do something as crass as that?”.

I couldn’t see the squint but it was definitely there, behind his fingers. “I wouldn’t put anything past you woman.” He turned back to Elsa and started clicking. “Have a song”.

It’s A Trap!

I was busy ironing for Thoughtful Man when he called out down the stairs, “John Nash is dead”.  “Who?” I replied distractedly; I was having a hell of time getting a crease out of his shirt for the night shift with the rank and file …

“John Nash. You know, ‘A Beautiful Mind'”. He magically appeared before me, wiggling his Apple in my face as confirmation of the news …

*No Clicky. Right actor, wrong film …*

“The bloke who invented Game Theory? I’ve seen a documentary about that …”. I started setting down Hot ‘n’ Steamy to tell him about it, when he abruptly cut me short.

“Tell me later, I’ve got to get out to work”. Two things about Thoughtful Man: he’s lived with me a long time and he really detests being late.

Anyhoo, he’s gone to work now, so I’ve asked Clicky to find the documentary for him watch it later … Ah, it is now …

*It comes in three parts? Gosh, Clicky, thank you for searching them all out … you really are boon for the LoL …*

*Strange, too … Here, have a Song …*