Missive from ‘Merica: Happy? New? Yeah…

Here in the UK, it is already January First Twenty Seventeen. So, at the start of this new year for the LoL, I shall have the first word…

commencement (n.)
late 13c., “beginning,” from Old French comencement “beginning, start” (Modern French commencement), from comencier (see commence). Meaning “school graduation ceremony” attested by 1850, American English. (Sense “entrance upon the privileges of a master or doctor in a university” is from late 14c.)

I know what you are thinking of — the class members grouped in a semicircle on the stage, the three scared boys in new ready-made black suits, the seventeen pretty girls in fluffy white dresses (the gowns of the year), each senior holding a ribbon-tied manuscript bulging with thoughts on “Beyond the Alps Lies Italy,” “Our Ship is Launched — Whither Shall it Sail?” and similar topics. [Charles Moreau Harger, “The Real Commencement,” “New Outlook,” May 8, 1909]

On the other side of the Pond, the US is lagging along in 2016, so the Okie Devil can have the last…


I have decided not to write anymore. I prolly should of given up writing earlier in life, but I didn’t. I now regret that decision and it’s time to correct that mistake. I just wanted to take a minute to let you know that I’m not going to write anymore, and hope that anyone who has taken the time to read my shit has enjoyed at least some of it.

^Crystal Method – Comin’ Back (The Light’s Southern Grit Remix)^

I guess I should take a few moments here, to explain exactly WHY I have decided to stop writing. But before I can do that…I really have to take a moment to explain to you why I stopped drinking. I am currently drinking, so I’ll have to think of something else to tell you about, because I don’t feel qualified to adequately explain to you why I stopped doing something that I am currently doing. I am kinda drunk after all. Not shitfaced, but I have had a couple of beers. It is New Year’s Eve after all, and that acid I dropped last night just won’t fucking wear off. See that brown blob of goop on the wall over there? No…the other one. Just…watch it for a second. It’s gonna do something really cool here in a second or…was it a minute? I can’t remember. But yeah, when I was younger I used to drop acid all the time. Not really, but as you are prolly discovering…I’m prolly not going to stop writing either. At least, not for a while. Of course I’m not going to be writing unless I can find something to write with. Where’s that damn pencil? Lemme find something to write with, and I’ll BRB.

^Alberto Ruiz – Alien (Original Mix)^

Will someone hold my beer for me?
I need to get up in the attic and find my flashlight.
I can’t go down into the basement to look for that pencil without a flashlight, and I KNOW that I left the damn flashlight up in the attic last time I was looking for…wait…what was II looking for up there?
Hmmm…can’t remember.
The mystery deepens.
Oh well, at least I know the flashlight is up there.
I gotta go find the fucking ladder so I can get up into the attic and get the flashlight.
I’d put the beer down, but all my drink-coasters are missing.
WAIT! I think those are iin the trunk of my car.
WAIT! I don’t have a car.
Just…hold this.

^WHYT NOYZ – Shift (Original Mix) [SCI+TEC]^

FOUND THE CUPHOLDERS!!! I know… know…not as effective as drink-coasters, but you can hang these things off your car window and keep you beer in it. Not that you should be driving around with beer hanging off your car window. It’s like an advertisement for a cop to have an excuse to pull you over. ESPECIALLY if you don’t have a car. I guess I’ll have to find some other way to get to the store and buy a new notebook to write in. I tried taking a few notes on toilet paper using fingernail polish a few minutes ago, but I lost them. But the fumes got me all loopy, and I inadvertently wiped my ass with toilet paper covered in wet nail polish. I can’t read what I wrote, but my ass looks fabulous!

^Pleasurekraft, Jaceo, Vedic – American Hustle (Original Mix)^

Anyway, I gotta go next door and see if I can borrow the neighbor’s lawnmower. I KNOW that ladder is out in the backyard, but the grass is so tall that I can’t find it. I’ll worry about buying them a new lawnmower later. Good thing it’s a metal ladder eh? This outta be fun.

^Traumer – Hoodlum [DESOLAT038]^

I thought that since Psycho Radio is on tonight…assuming they aren’t off for the holiday…I would post a chatlog of the online chatroom for those who listen via The Internet, from back on August 2nd of 2016…when they were having a few “technical difficulties” during the show. Me being the “wandering can of gasoline, just looking for a fire to jump on/into” took advantage of the situation, by trying to add some comic relief for the 30 minutes of frustration with them trying to figure out what was going wrong, fix it, then get back on the air to the normal show…even tho they were broadcasting live through this whole mess. I had no idea what the issue was/could be…so…I improvised an ad-hoc technical plan to assist with the repairs.
NOTE: In the chatlogs below, it was at about 07:05PM, that I began to put my plan into action.
NOTE 2: Yes, posting chatlogs is typically not very funny. But if you keep in mind that there were people arguing and getting upset on this Internet radio show, while still broadcasting on-air live, saying try this and try that, all while there is a loop of about 30 seconds that keeps repeating every time someone says something, then all that shit just keeps looping over and over again, in addition to any new shit, and this went on for about 30 minutes or so…as they are kicking people off Skype and God knows what else…
…all while some asshole is being clever in the chatroom…
…covering the goings on…

^Stefano Noferini, Paco Maroto – Million Units (Original Mix)^


** Connected To Chat **

CF Apollyon.93 at 6:39:52 PM

Those kids will prolly invent a reciprocating engine that runs forever on broken dreams and shits chocolate bars that taste like pizza.

CF Apollyon.93 at 6:51:19 PM

I wouldn’t read too much into names.

CF Apollyon.93 at 6:54:29 PM

If he WINS we’ll know the election is rigged.

Rob.28 at 7:01:19 PM

Trump has his own Network Marketing Affiliate Program

Leon.172 at 7:03:28 PM

(nothing to see here)

Rob.28 at 7:03:55 PM

force quit on mac settings

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:05:08 PM

Connect the disconnect unit, which will disengage the engager.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:06:08 PM

Once the engager has disengaged, you must remember to disconnect the disconnector.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:07:27 PM

If you forget to disconnect the disconnect unit after the engager has disengaged, it will re-engage the re-engager.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:08:54 PM

If the re-engager is engaged, the disengaged engager will be returned to engaged.

Rob.28 at 7:08:58 PM

is fixed now well done Bill

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:09:49 PM

LOL Sorry…just engineer talk to get you through the hard times.

Rob.28 at 7:10:41 PM

close you sound petal

Rob.28 at 7:13:54 PM

if you reboot computer and take a 5 minute iON break

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:14:02 PM

I hearing my voice from a week from now. I ain’t even on the fucking phone!

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:15:07 PM

I’m hearing a voice from 2 years ago of someone I don’t even know.

Rob.28 at 7:15:08 PM

got any musique Bill?

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:15:59 PM

Oh shit…it appears time has stopped.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:17:01 PM

I can hear my neighbor’s dish washer running…but mine has fallen eerily silent.

Rob.28 at 7:20:15 PM

it might be my fault i been having ear ache all night. ibapofen helps

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:22:59 PM

I just rec’d a list of all winning lottery numbers past and future forever in my head. But I can’t remember the numbers I try to write down.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:25:08 PM

Just helping out through the hard times whiile ya’ll are off air.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:27:23 PM

OK, I guess I can call in now.

Leon.172 at 7:27:48 PM

– Bill

Leon.172 at 7:28:00 PM


Leon.172 at 7:29:13 PM

calm down bob, calm down

Rob.28 at 7:29:26 PM

go into skype settings look around a bit then call

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:31:24 PM

Let me try and delete everything on my computer real quick. Maybe that’ll help.

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:32:27 PM

I tried to delete everything on my computer, and my dishwasher started making noise again…but it sounds like my neighbor’s dishwasher, and thiers sounds like mine.

Rob.28 at 7:32:46 PM

with plantronics headset Skype is fine

CF Apollyon.93 at 7:35:44 PM

Unmute me! I’ve forgotten how to type!


So yeah…I’m a smartass sometimes. I thought it was funny anyway.
/me shrugs

^Green Velvet – Bigger Than Prince (Hot Since 82 Remix)^

Just got back from hitchhiking up to pick up some more beer. I guess I coulda walked across the street to the Dollar Store to pick up a notebook or spiral or something, but my beer risked getting warm if I did that…so I came on back home. I was on about my sixth beer on the walk home, when a cop pulled up beside me, stopped in the middle of the road, and said…
Cop: HEY! What are you doing?
Cade: Answering your question.
Cop: No! I mean why are you drinking?
Cade: Do you have any idea how far I have walked carrying this shit? A man get’s thirsty doing manual labor/providing services, free of charge for the elderly.
Cop: Oh…you bought that beer for an elderly neighbor?
Cade: Whatever is left.
Cop: Don’t let me see you out again tonight.
Cade: When does your shift end?
Cop: A coupla hours.
/me unzips pants and starts to piss
Cade: Are you really telling me you wanna process a “drunk-in-public” charge on New Year’s Eve for some dude walking home carrying a 30 pack of beer, with one open beer?
I looked up but the cop had driven away.
Prolly intimidated at the size of my penis.
Oh man! There is a barely used pencil on the ground there, and I just pissed all over it.
The lead was broken anyway.
I don’t even think I have a pencil sharpener.

^björk – human behaviour^

I really don’t know what to say here, so it’s prolly best if I just skip down to the next paragraph. I’m back home now, and it appears that I only made it home with 16 beers out of that 30 pack. I only remember drinking 8 of those on the way home, and then I gave 2 to that cop who had simply driven up a little ways to a parking lot to turn around so he could give me a ride home. On the drive home, he said that he had never thought he would meet someone who would ask an armed on-duty police officer “if his mom was single…and if so, is she hot?”…but thanked me for the beers and took them anyway. (They were the warmest in the pack…heh heh) I guess I’m missing 4 beers somewhere. Maybe I should…retrace my steps. 4 lonely beers out there somewhere that ain’t gonna get drunk if I don’t find them. Anyone know how to work this goddamn Google Maps/GPS bullshit or whatever? This could be a night full of fun and adventure if I find them. Prolly even MORE fun if that cop finds me outside again. Especially after he gave me a ride home. I better take this beer with me in case I need a little “leverage” during my quest.

^Pixies “Dig for Fire”^

At some point…you are gonna have to realize…that most of the lies that I tell have been falsified.
They are enigmatic mysteries that have been wrapped in layer after layer of the deep thought of government standards certified genius quality bullshit…smattered with a few personal almost-tried, untrue and more or less untested rules and regulations of my own. I know this shit works, because you are reading this shit. And if there is one thing that this here dumbass knows, its that anyone stupid enough to read this shit is an idiot.
Q: Is it obvious yet, that as I type this, not only am making it up as I go…but pretty much…it’s just a guy sitting alone behind a computer monitor “thinking out-loud?”
A: Maybe I’ll take this for a “yes”…and we’ll just…mosey on down the road a piece.

^Pixies “Vamos”^

Goodnight dirtbags! And I hope you got as drunk as I hope I’m gonna get tonight.
And Happy New Year and God Bless Us…every ONE!!!

^Pixies – Bone Machine^


^Pixies – Caribou^



13 thoughts on “Missive from ‘Merica: Happy? New? Yeah…

  1. On my 3rd (small) bottle of champagne! The earth is spinning really fast and my lips feel numb but all is quiet on New Years Day! Happy 2017!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello you buncha fellow hungover losers!!!
    A nice-ish wakeup song for your aching brain-sacks.

    ^Don Hertzfeldt – Butthole Surfers – The Annoying Song^

    Say…I wonder if nail polish remover is OK to use in “more sensitive areas?”
    Don’t wanna be TOO descript here so as to keep within the boundaries of good taste.
    I wonder if you can put nail polish remover in a pressure-washer?

    ^Devo – S.I.B. (Swelling Itching Brain) (Live) 1980^

    Anyone wanna go drinkin’? ❤

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It’s amazing what inspires us eh? Drawing from “the real world” and our “real world experiences with the real”…then weaving a…erm…a…whatever of whatever for whatever out of that “real stuff.”

        I’m gonna hold off on your obvious ploy to lure me into punning further…butt I had some thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Um…erm…and other delaying tactic types of noises and whatnot…erm………………..
            ……………..SOME – 1….is still just the teeny tiniest bit skittish about making this vid.

            I just wanted to make an “unboxing video”…that is really, an unpackaging type of video…that includes a ragged assed manila shipping envelope that somehow survived a weeks’ travel and God knows how many nautical miles from somewhere-East to somewhere-West, and somehow fell right in my fucking lap.

            God only knows what’s in the fucking thing. Prolly something evil.

            We’ll get there. 😀

            Liked by 2 people

              1. Did you know, that in Texas…switchblades are legal to own, but illegal to carry? Meaning, you can have one of the damn things, just don’t get caught with it on you when outside your home.

                I wonder if I was the owner of a switchblade, and I was at a friend’s house next door, and a cop drove by and saw us outside in the yard and me showing my neighbor this knife…would that be considered “carrying?”

                I mean…I never left private property, and went from my private property to another’s private property under the auspices of being invited onto that private property to show a privately owned piece of property to another private citizen.

                I think I’m recalling a legal precedent here. I’ll see if I can remember it/find it.

                While we are waiting…
                Ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking the law.
                What about with respect to enforcing the law? Interpreting the law? Creating the law?
                No wonder they give themselves a private playground.
                Exclusivity is…exclusive.
                Until it isn’t.
                Before you know it, you have “Wars on Drugs” and “Drug Czars” and “Wars on Terror” and “Terror Czars” and weird shit like that.
                I wonder if we need a “Scar Czar”?
                I wouldn’t mind fighting “A War on Scars.”

                I guess that’s why politicians and government workers get so perky about perks.

                Now I remember why I hate law/laws. It’s that “application” kinda thing where shit gets all kinds of sideways. “Equal Application” is only applicable by one(s). Even if its zero.

                I guess “equality” just got even more equally sideways eh?

                ^Valium Era – DNA Codec^

                Liked by 1 person

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