Dear Reader, a few days before Christmas, author Hugo Stone was interviewed by Kirsty Cork, feisty anchor of the topical daily TV news programme ‘NoozNight’. Here is a transcript of that interview…

*Oh tush, Clicky… It’s not that bad…*

*******

KIRSTY CORK (KC):

As 2016 nears an end, a year that has been rocked by political upset and an avalanche of celebrity deaths, I am joined now by Hugo Stone, author of the novel ‘Cultish‘ and soon to be published ‘Bunny Snuff‘, to review this past year and discuss the implications for 2017. Hugo, thank you for coming…

KC:

Er, quite. Well let’s start with your seminal work ‘Cultish’, your first novel. It’s very robust in its graphic descriptions of sexual depravity, where did you get the idea?

KC:

*shifts uncomfortably in seat* It’s both irreverent of organised religion and scathing of the Establishment…

KC:

 … Yet big on the idea of family. How do reconcile these very differing ideas? *shifts gaze from author’s hand in trouser pocket*

KC:

Obvious? *shifts gaze back to author’s hand in trouser pocket*

KC:

*touches ear* But if we could just turn back to politics. The biggest upsets in 2016 were the Brexit vote for the UK to leave the EU…

KC:

… I’m sorry, did you say ‘the anus’?

KC:

So you foresee a strengthening of ties with the Commonwealth?

KC:

*maintains professional decorum* Fundamentally, you feel the failure of the Vote In side was due to a lack of any meaningful engagement from the EU?

KC:

… And what about the US erection…

KC:

*blushes*…Election of a billionaire reality TV star to the highest Office. Is that also an embrace of ‘the anus’?

KC:

*Shocked expression* Um…

KC:

*glares toward control booth* If I may now change the subject to the plethora of celebrity deaths this year. For you, which was the most poignant?

KC:

Living your book? What on earth do you mean?

KC:

Thank you, Hugo Stone. *smiles thinly* That’s quite enough for now *violently removes earpiece*

– TRANSCRIPT ENDS –

*******

*Alright! I was just trying something different… /pouts… Okay, okay… see if you can retrieve the situation with a Song…*

*Fuck! He just died as well… Probably to turn in his grave… /sigh…*

*No! Stop. It. Now…*