Wait, Ask, Sniff, Pet.

“Tear me-net” Chinese Chip Lady told me the other evening over the roar of popping fat.

I’d been sent out to buy supper: Cod, chips, pie, sav (for Poppy the dog) and two buttered rolls. A feast but we’d have to wait. I placed my order and said…


Clicky, really… is it necessary to illustrate everything I say? Don’t answer…

Ten minutes to kill. What to do? I paid for dinner and decided visit Cash & Dash’s emporium, a hop, skip and jump away, to peruse their magazine racks whilst I waited.

cash and dash

Clicky, they’re Hindus *scratches head* … They are open over Christmas, I suppose… *shrugs* I’ll carry on with my story, if you don’t mind. No, don’t answer.

Childhood habit – my eyes flicked up to the top shelf. No porn on display these days but a title did catch my eye…

The Wasp

No fear, Clicky, I would have spotted those bazongas without my specs. Unreal…

It was the 50th issue in a Marvelous run of comic collectables. Like the zippo Thoughtful Man bought a little while back. I reached up, feeling naughty for no rational reason, and turned the tight cellophane-wrapped book over in my hands to take in the blurb on the back.

‘One of the five founding Avengers, Janet Van Dyne is the wondrous Wasp. Born of science to battle an incomprehensible enemy, she’s Earth’s tiniest titan!

‘Take in a tale to astonish, as we present the first appearance of the impeccable inspect Avenger, the Wasp! Then, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes endure the fight of their lives – when the fearsome Masters of Evil come knocking! The Wasp leads the charge as the team find themselves… Under Siege!’

I didn’t remember seeing her in either of the Avengers movies. I looked at the price – £9.99. I ummed and felt the crisp tenner in my pocket, change from the fish & chips supper. Then my eyes clocked some other numbers.

Waspish Numbers

44, Click. That’S the atomic number for Ruthenium. That’s one of my numbers. And 271 and 273 are scrambled Shining room numbers…


That was it. I had to see what was inside but the cellophane was virgin tight. I ran my thumb along the seam and gently pressed…

I bought it, Click! What do you fucking take me for? No. Don’t answer!

“They’re up to Number 102” Cash eagerly informed me as he rung up the sale. I spent the next few minutes telling him in detail exactly why I had to buy this particular issue, until his eyes gazed over and I could escape. Being incomprehensible is an effective weapon. Besides, the chips would be ready.

I bade farewell and left, pushing the ‘Pull’ sign on the inside of the door. Thankfully that door swings both ways.

Supper was delicious. I won’t go into detail; rest assured there was plenty of salt & vinegar and lashings of sauce.  I will finish this post with the first image I saw when I eased the cover open…

wise words

Have a Song… 😉