in EU, Parody News, Uncategorized 623 Words

Sex Ed Up… Wicked Dipper

Today the LoL brings the tale of when Two Be Cums One…

*Okay strange, dolphin-like sidekick of mine, cue Song.*

*Spicy! Ready, Clicky?  /clears throat…*

‘A secondary school in Southend has come under fire after it announced a new initiative to combine sexual education with politics.’

*Combining sex and politics… that’s bound to end well, Clicky… /rolls eyes… Come on, hit us with it.*

Dont Pull Out

*An EU flag covered in spunky handwriting? Oh, this is gonna be good… /cough*

‘A number of outraged parents have already threatened to remove their children.’

Doh

The headteacher at Southchurch Academy Grammar School, a mixed-sex school for ages 11-18 with sixth form facilities, believes that the so-called ‘Don’t Pull Out’ campaign will combine two key messages: that ‘pulling out’ isn’t a safe alternative to wearing a condom, and also that the UK should remain in the EU.

*Holy fuck! At last, Clicky! I can see the point of Steve Bell*

650

*What is it, five, six years I’ve waited to see something funny in his ‘Cameron Condom’ cartoons… beyond the obvious – Dave the Rave’s a knob head. Talk about a slow burner.*

 

“Teenage pregnancy rates have never been higher in Essex, and so by encouraging pupils aged 11 and over to steer clear of pulling out, an incredibly dangerous and ineffective form of contraception, we can hopefully drive these numbers down. Also, this is an ideal opportunity to let them know the dangers of the UK pulling out of the European Union, and our senior managers have spent many hours writing a joint curriculum for sex education and political studies that combines these two subjects in a groundbreaking manner.“

*Ah, teaching. Getting paid to be a political activist… No, hang on, Southend Academy Grammar School? I don’t think I know that one…/thinks…

What’s the headteacher’s name? /scans down… Oh, you’ll love this, Clicky. Okay, first word…*

sir

*/hits nose. Second word, sounds like a fish…*

 

marlin
Click for sounds like

 

 

*/hits nose… You’re too good at this Clicky. Third word, then…

Hey Stella
Clicky for stella answer

*/sigh… Too easy for you, boy.*

Head Sir Marlon Dipper continued: ‘Right away, every student in the school will get an information pack with condoms that have the iconic and magnificent EU flag on the wrapper, and these are presented inside a leaflet that explains how leaving the union could damage businesses and drive other cultures and languages away from the UK.’

*’Magnificent EU flag’?! Hmm… /wink*

However, a number of parents have complained. Michael Spooge has a daughter in Year 7, and he said: ‘This is a disgraceful way to educate our children. They should be left to make up their own mind about our nation’s future in Europe, and in any case an 11-year-old girl doesn’t even need to think about this kind of thing at her age.’

*Spooge? A typo, Clicky?*

Spongebob

*/Squints*

There has been a similarly negative reaction from local sexual health awareness groups, with one campaigner Millie Wick threatening to distribute 10,000 Union Jack condoms to South Essex teens through the main GUM clinic in Southend Town Centre.

*/stiffles giggle…*

dip one’s wick

verb phrase

To insert one’s penis; do the sex act; screw: You dipped your wick just like the rest of them (late 1800s+)

*Clicky! Pull out, pull out!! It’s a parody site…*

*I’ll get the first aid kit… /sighs… If it’s any consolation, Click, I thought it was all too plausible true as well… until I couldn’t place the school.

/Dabs wounds tentatively… Have a Song*

14 thoughts on “Sex Ed Up… Wicked Dipper”

  1. “Clicky! Pull out, pull out!! It’s a parody site…”

    OK names may have been changed to save embarrassing the guilty, but relating to Southend – can anyone ever be *certain*?? 😉

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  2. And I said was gonna be comin around much anymore. I knew I should have pulled out when I had the chance. Am I doing this right?

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  3. Ah, but you’re always welcome here, CF. And, if you get the opportunity, to post any updates during your upcoming adventure. A musician and poet ought to be awandering but it would be lovely to hear how you’re getting along.

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    1. Got a lttle over a month. Guess I’m figuriing out how to do this shit n shit. Shit if know what the shit I’n doing. lol Just trying to finish up my thread over there and chit chatting with the two or three people that have spoken to me over the last year or so. Maybe I can make it to the UK by next summer. The goal would be to be in France by spring next year, then Ukraine by the end of summer next year, but who knows.

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        1. Roob great post 🙂 I have been getting sherbert lemon syncs constantly these past few days I spent all morning searching for a box of them.

          Sherbet, kali (Northern English), or keli (Scottish) is a fizzy powder sweet, usually eaten by dipping a lollipop or liquorice, or licking it on a finger.

          Barratt’s “Sherbet Fountain” consists of sherbet and a stick made from liquorice, sold since 1925. In 2009 a plastic tube with twist-off lid replaced the traditional paper packaging with the liquorice stick poking through the end, much to the fury of the traditionalist Daily Mail newspaper In the traditional paper packaging, the top of the stick was intended to be bitten off to form a straw… ouch cums in circum sized

          and the sherbet sucked through it, where it fizzes and dissolves on the tongue. The “new” format only includes a solid liquorice stick, so the sherbet must be licked off that, or eaten directly. This is advertised on the packet as “Sherbet with a liquorice dip”.This is a different experience from the original paper-wrapped sweet.

          The manufacturer, B ass ET, is a subsidiary of Tangurine Confectionery.

          Fruit flavoured with lollipop
          Sherbet dips or Sherbet Dabs are also popular, such as the Dip Dab by Barratt. They consist of a small packet of sherbet, with a lollipop sealed into the bag. Once the lollipop has been licked, it can be dipped into the sherbet and then sucked clean, alternatively it can simply be used to shovel the sherbet into the mouth.

          Another popular type of sherbet dip is the Double Dip by Swizzels Matlow, where the packet is divided into three sections; one contains an edible stick which can be licked and then dipped into the other sections, each of which contains a different flavour of sherbet (for example strawberry, orange, cola).or otherwise known as the multicultural variety pack.

          Sherbet straws
          Plastic straws filled purely with fruit-flavoured sherbet. The most common lengths are 10 cm and 50 cm.

          Flying saucer (confectionery)
          Small dimpled discs made from edible coloured paper (rice paper), typically filled with white unflavoured sherbet (the same form as in Sherbet Fountains). The first flying saucers were produced in the 1960s.

          The sherbet in the middle explodes, making the sweet suddenly more sour.

          Sherbert Lemons always did remind me of tiny grenades

          In the Harry Potter series, the passphrase ‘Shhherb et Lemoon,’ was used to access Headmaster Dump bledoore’s office. or other wise known as the trademons entrance ahem come in…

          Didnt Dumbledore have a lot of problems with trolls in his basement

          I thought Dumbledore was A bon bon myself oops i mean Gam bon of course

          He doesn’t like being interviewed and he once said he lies during interviews to make them more interesting. When someone asked Gambon if he had problems with playing a gay man he replied by saying it was easy because he used to be a homosexual but was forced to quit because it made his eyes water. a bit like sherbert lemons then

          Here have a peardrop they are quite explosive as well apparently

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